Why It's So Incredibly Hard To Turn A Boyfriend Into A Soulmate

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Why it’s so hard to turn a boyfriend into a Soulmate.

You keep *almost* finding The One. So why can't you make him into more?

You are looking for your soulmate, that soft place to fall and you think it’s him, that lovely guy you’ve been dating for quite some time now.

Things are going along fine, but where is that deep feeling of belonging and contentment? That feeling of "I’m home".

What vision do you hold of what a ‘soulmate’ is? Do you have expectations of what you might feel when he finally falls into that category?

The way I see it, soulmates come into our lives so we may grow together. You feel comfortable enough in their presence so that you can share yourself with them and show them your vulnerabilities.

It’s about taking a risk and being reassured in return: "I share, you share, I respect your viewpoints and you respect mine even though we may not agree. You allow me to be and I allow you to be, to have different interests and friends and hobbies, to be free to choose."

RELATED: The Cold, Hard, Surprising Truth About Soulmates

So why can't you seem to turn the relationships you've hard (or are currently in) into soulmate relationships?

That's because you are not that powerful! Nobody is!

If you could turn someone into something, you would have skipped the boyfriend stage and gone straight to soulmate!

Do you remember that boyfriend you had a while back? He was so into you! He worshipped the ground you walked on, the one who kept saying "You are my soulmate!"

Remember that you didn't feel the same way and something just didn't click for you? There was just no way you could change those feelings. It was fun but couldn't go the distance even if you had wanted it to.

Here's the bigger, more important question: 

How do you recognize a soulmate? 

Here’s a little exercise for you.

Imagine, visualize, or feel that you are taking your head off and tucking it under your arm. Then allow your heart to speak to you — imagine being with the person and see how that feels in your heart and then imagine being without the person and how that feels.

Let your heart and soul guide you to recognizing your soulmate!

RELATED: What It Feels Like When You Finally Find Your Soulmate

So how can you be the soulmate your boyfriend desires? What does it take to be a good soulmate?

  1. Be aware of you, how you act, and how you love. Are you genuine or do you put masks on for different occasions?
  2. Do you expect too much from yourself, your partner, and love?
  3. Can you accept and respect each other’s differences?
  4. Are you present/realistic or living some unachievable fairytale in your mind?
  5. Can you love unconditionally — yourself and your partner?
  6. Can you meet another in the middle or do you have to be right?
  7. Are you able to be vulnerable? To just be you, so that your soul can meet his soul?

Soulmates soul search. They watch themselves from a place of curiosity and compassion in order to know themselves and foster the ability to accept themselves and others without judgment or conditions.

So, any chance you could focus on the ‘boyfriend’ that you have so you can build the relationship? Do you want to be his soulmate? Maybe make a list of what you like about him? 

His qualities, what you have in common both amazing and annoying, whether you feel relaxed in his presence or uptight? Do you have similar backgrounds, values, and morals or do you come from different worlds? Can you relax and just be yourself?

In my humble opinion, being honest with yourself and how the relationship really is, is the key to a satisfying and soul-honoring life. 

In my work as a psychologist, I meet many people who are unhappy in life and I have found that the key to resolving the unhappiness is to learn to be brutally honest with oneself. Don’t justify and make excuses for yourself and for others. 

You can’t change the other person, you can only bring change to the way you live life and the courage you display by making decisions that are in your best interest and from a place of honesty.

May you be your own soulmate!

RELATED: 7 Honest Signs He's Not 'The One'

Carmen Southam is a psychologist specializing in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Childhood and Adult Trauma. To learn more about what she has to offer you, check out her website.