The #1 Reason Why He's Not Asking You For A Second Date

Photo: weheartit
how to get a second date
Love, Self


When we go on dates with someone we’re interested in, we hope to like them and, as self-centered egotistic beings, we want them to like who we are too.

We want to be liked and needed, but when it comes to dating, are we misrepresenting our true selves to simply be likable?

First dates are very awkward, especially if both people don’t know much about each other. Even when both people know each other previously either as friends or simply acquaintances, dating someone is very different from being friends with someone.

Many people refrain from showing their true colors on the first couple of dates in fear of rejection, but by hiding who we really are, we’re doing more of a disservice to ourselves than we would, if we would simply be ourselves.

It’s important to understand that when dealing with rejection, being your true self is a lot more difficult to do than if you put on an act. In this way, any criticism you receive is not a direct attack on who you are as a person.

Although it is scary to be yourself during the first couple of dates, if the relationship does blossom, your true colors are bound to come out eventually.

What does it mean to be yourself? Oftentimes in life, especially in dating, we put on an act.

On the first few dates over the first few months, we tend to be more polite, we pretend we’re more interested in topics that the other person is interested in, even if we’re not. We take part in activities that we wouldn’t necessarily enjoy, rather than being honest and finding activities that both people enjoy. And this is why he's not asking you on a second date either.

Being yourself is not holding back from who you are with your friends. People like double dating for this reason, because it allows both parties to see how their dates are around friends, as it is often very different from who they are one-on-one.

Do you say what you’re looking for? Communicating what you are looking for on a first, second, or third date is difficult to do because oftentimes, we don’t know what we’re really looking for. In fact, we go on dates because we don’t know what we want, and dating gives us the opportunity to experience all different types of people and relationships.

However, if you’re adamant about getting into a serious relationship, don’t begin one with someone who isn’t sure, unless you’re totally willing to take the risk of getting hurt. These feelings and opinions can change as both people get to know one another, but that takes a lot of honesty and a little luck.

Here's a true story (names are changed).

Alex was dating Erica for a couple of weeks and they really got along well. They had many friends and interests in common and when they went on their first date, Erica was very honest with Alex and told him that she was looking for something serious and is not looking for a casual hookup.

Alex was crazy about Erica. He thought she was smart and funny and he really liked being in her company, but Alex knew deep down that he wasn’t really looking for something serious. However, Alex wasn’t ready to give up his chance with Erica, so he told her that he’s open to anything.

About 3 months down the line, Erica was ready to take their relationship to the next level and when her actions and feelings weren’t being reciprocated, she confronted Alex. He told her that although he really likes her, he really did not know what he wanted and after spending so much time together, he is not ready to take it to a more serious level.

Erica was fuming. Not only was she angry, she was very sad because she felt as though she wasted her time and emotions on a relationship that was going nowhere to begin with.

Alex was upset too, and he didn’t expect to be. But Alex felt that not only was he dishonest with Erica and himself, he also messed up an opportunity that could have blossomed into something great at a different time.

Ending things early is easier. Breakups are difficult no matter how you do them. However, if you end things at the beginning, between the first and fifth date, the "breakup" will be easier because you’re less emotionally invested. This is even more likely if you don’t sleep with the person either, as being sexually involved typically involves emotions.

Waiting to break up when you know you don’t want to keep seeing the other person only hurts both people in the end. Pretending to be someone else, to simply be desired, to be liked and wanted by the other person usually leads to damaging to your own ego and hurting everyone's feelings.

Someone recently said, "Everyone makes it seem like being single is such a bad thing!"

The reality is that being single when you’re confident in who you are inside and out is a lot more enjoyable than it is if you’re insecure. Dating as an insecure individual is traumatic, unenjoyable, and often comes with a lot of dissatisfaction both within oneself and others.

Insecurity is one of the main reasons that people settle for less than they deserve and desire.

Instead of focusing on being a good date, focus on learning to be yourself, but also to love being yourself. You’d be surprised how much more successful your dating life will be if you can become comfortable being you from the beginning.

This article was originally published at HonestlyNaked.com . Reprinted with permission from the author.