Is Your Soulmate Search Being Sabotaged By An Addiction To 'Instant Chemistry'?

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How to Recognize the Perils of Instant Chemistry

Love at first sight may not always be good.

Allie is looking for the love of her life. Her biggest frustration is that she hasn’t met the right guy. It’s not for lack of trying. She has been on more than 120 first dates with men she met online in the last couple of years.

The problem is, she didn't feel any chemistry during many of her dates with interested guys. Since she didn’t want to waste her time dating the wrong guy, so she didn’t accept a second date with any of them.

She did feel chemistry with others, but none of them had any interest in moving into the kind of relationship that she’s seeking.

If you meet man after man who does nothing for you, like Allie does, you might want to rethink your dating strategy. When instant attraction and sexual chemistry are primary sole criteria for choosing someone to date, you are probably wasting your time. 

RELATED: 7 Signs You Have Ridiculously Good Sexual Chemistry With A Guy

If you have always relied on that kind of allure to determine whether a man is a good candidate for a relationship, ask yourself how well that has worked in the past. If you have gotten into unsuccessful, chemistry-based relationships in the past, I suggest that you try a different approach.

I’m not suggesting that it isn’t important. Attraction and simpatico are necessary for a good relationship.

But, you may discover that it takes longer for chemistry to develop at midlife than it did when you were in your early twenties.

You’ll be more likely to squander relationship opportunities with good men if you reject them too quickly. Most first dates aren’t magical — many are awkward and stressful. Often men who make wonderful mates are mediocre daters.

I’ve also seen that many men who are great during the early stages of dating, especially those who excel at romantic pursuit, are often not eager to commit to one woman.

RELATED: 23 Major Differences Between Chemistry and Compatibility

Let's face it: a man won't become a successful "player" unless he knows how to turn on the charm. 

The only way to discover whether someone might make a good partner is to get to know him over several dates, while you continue to date other men. See how you get along as you experience different activities.

About one-third of my clients find that chemistry starts to develop after three to eight dates.

But, before you meet another man, step back and think about what you need in a relationship. Be honest about what is most important to you. Evaluate each priority carefully and ask yourself how important each of them is in the long run.

If you are looking for a long-term relationship, focus on long-lasting values, such as his character, goals, and core values. See whether chemistry develops as you become better acquainted. Things like appearance and interests are bound to change over the long-haul.

Spend time becoming acquainted with several men at a time while being open to the possibility that you won’t know who will be "the one" until you’ve gotten to know him over time. 

RELATED: Sorry, But Chemistry Just Isn't Enough (If You Want Love To Last)

Annie Gleason is a Dating Coach whose strategic dating advice has provided lasting love to hundreds of women. If you're serious about finding love, don't leave it to chance To get more free dating advice, visit her website.

This article was originally published at Get A Love Life . Reprinted with permission from the author.