Unpack Your Bags: 5 Signs You've Got More Than A Carry On


Relationships are hard enough without bringing along a lot of extra baggage!

Relationships are an area that many people don’t want to examine too closely. Probably because it can remind you of a stubborn knot, you know the kind that is really difficult to unravel. Unfortunately, it is really easy to sabotage yourself if you don’t take that closer look. Here are five things to watch out for to make sure that you are not the one tying yourself up:

  1. Do all of your relationships seem to have a common thread? I call this “same date different face.” Many times you meet someone new, and (hopefully) after only a few dates you’ll begin to realize that they have many of the same undesirable characteristics of the last person who didn’t work out. In the days before I figured out the keys to successful relationships, I would say that I’d had every type of unavailable partner there was. I had partners who were emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable, allergic to commitment, you name it. The common thread here was that they were all unavailable. One of the things that I realized was that I had a belief that all men had this flaw. Which brings me to item number two:
  2. Do you suffer from “All men are…” Syndrome? You hear it all the time. We love to generalize. “All men are liars.” “All men cheat.” “Men can’t be trusted.” “All men are only looking for one thing.” The truth is none of these generalities are accurate. There are many men who are honest; there are many men who are faithful. There are many men who absolutely can be trusted. There are many men who are interested in much more than getting you in the sheets. However, if your perspective is such that you’re expecting to find these negative qualities, then that is the kind of person you are going to continually attract.
  3. Do you have unrealistic expectations? What are the expectations that you are bringing with you on that first date? First dates carry a lot of pressure for both parties. Do you expect your new beau to know everything about you after the first date? Do you expect your new date to be an open book? Say you are two or three dates in; do you expect to have the marriage and children conversation? Realize that each person is different. People open up in different ways and in different stages. You may find the person who is ready to tell you everything, as soon as you meet. You may also find people who take a little longer. Likewise it can take a new person a while to really learn who you are.
  4. Do you take your dates through the “elimination round?” This is a common way for women to disqualify prospective new partners. You’re on the first date, or maybe the second or the third, and you keep asking questions. So you ask your new beau “do you travel?” He says no. Mentally you strike one on the chalkboard. Then you ask, “do you like the theater?” He says. “Well gee, I never really go.” Mentally you put the second strike on the chalkboard. Subconsciously you’re finding all of the things that could be wrong with this person. Keep Reading...

More dating advice from YourTango:

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Let's make this a regular thing!