I Love Weddings, But I Don't Want To Be Your Bridesmaid (Sorry)

Photo: weheartit
don't want to be in your wedding

Hold the invitation. I'll just like your wedding photos once your guests post them at the reception.

The most wonderful time of the year, filled with holiday cheer and fun, merry and bright, and other associated holiday tidings, is here.

But Christmas time isn’t the only season coming up — it’s also proposal season. What better time to offer the "love of your life" an expensive ring he or she can post on Instagram? Here’s a better question: when did "proposal season" become a thing, and who approved this message?

I’m 25. It seems like every other day, there’s a newly posted picture of someone’s engagement ring of a dainty finger freshly outfitted with a diamond that cost more than it’s worth. Like any other 20-something who loves monograms, Pinterest, and talking about celebrity wedding rings, I love weddings. People are tying their lives together forever in front of God. The emotion and sentiment is truly beautiful.

But you want me to pay what for a dress I'll wear once? It’s in an unflattering color, too, because the bride was emphatic about her astounding beauty on her wedding day.

I realize I’m a huge hypocrite that I love weddings but don't want to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. You better believe I’d look at wedding venues and snort in disdain as I think one looks cheap. I don’t want to consider a price tag. On the very inside, I want what I want and how I want it, and I’m pretty sure a lot of other women do too.



Somehow, we’ve built this event to be something that other people should care about. We want people invested! I don’t know if it’s social media, or TV, or whatever. And yet, I don’t have enough money to be there for everyone.

I could half-ass a lot of weddings, just going and giving a little bit of my time and that’s all. I want so badly to be able to give this lavish experience to all of my friends. Unrealistic is right. Very unrealistic.

RELATED: The Average Cost Of A Wedding In 2017 Is...

I want to know why we spend so much money on a day. A single, individual day. We quite seriously joke that we’d sell a kidney to pay for this one day.

You know how disgusting it felt to wrinkle my nose and be annoyed someone expected me to fly somewhere for their wedding? It’s about them, I know.

See, I’m very conflicted. On one hand, weddings are just like the spice of life. They’re so delicious and sweet and heartwarming. But on the other hand, they’re expensive, someone is always too drunk, and at least one or two people are angry. Minimum.

I was in my first wedding this summer. I live in the south; weddings are important to us because it’s an occasion to get dressed up, celebrate, and give monogrammed gifts.

The moment I knew my friend was engaged, I started thinking of what I might send to her off her registry. I thought about how lovely it would be to put together a memory book, to visit for all the festivities, and participate in the event as lavishly as yours truly could manage. I’d never been in a wedding before, so you can imagine I was thrilled at the prospect of one of my best friends getting married. I was thrilled to be her bridesmaid.

RELATED: 9 SERIOUSLY Huge Lessons I Learned When I Called Off My Wedding

Little did I know, I’d be out several thousand dollars (OK, maybe only two). There’s a bit of melodrama behind that number, of course, but I was so unaware of the expenditure that is expected. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself to forgive my wedding ignorance.

It’s insane how heavy the dollar sign burden gets when it’s your name on the checkbook. Which is why I am filled with exasperation when it comes to wedding expenses.

A survey by Brilliant Earth shows almost 50 percent of our generation, the Millennials, report paying for their own wedding. Apparently, men are on board for the bride’s parents paying for the wedding, but then again, who wouldn't be?

These numbers make it a little more understandable when we’re not able to bring our "plus one" because of limited seating or a smaller budget. Yet, we stretch our budgets to accommodate significant others and an open bar, and the number of zeros in our debt increases.

We could be buying cars, houses, saving money for retirement, or stashing it for a rainy day. And yet, we’re not. We’re buying monogrammed presents for newlyweds and spending money on a dress on a day, might I add, we’ll only experience once.

I read Emily Post etiquette like it’s a daily meditation. Etiquette is changing, and some of it so much so that we don’t know what the proper thing to do is. Do we send a card, a gift? Do we attend, do we politely decline, or do we "half-ass" offer our congratulations by drinking the free champagne at your open bar?

Our generation, and most generations, are tactlessly unaware that they’re not the only ones doing something. You’re not the only one getting married, missy. I’m not the only one buying a house. But gosh, there’s no way I can afford to fly to your party and wedding and also replace the water heater. Please don’t be mad.

I hate to say it, but I might be a wedding-grinch when I admit that I don't want to be in your wedding. It’s appropriate given the season, but I’m not looking forward to your proposal videos, hashtags, wedding announcements, and saying no to the invites.

I’m all for the pursuit of life, love, and happiness, but a girl's gotta eat... and save some cash for her own wedding.

RELATED: Why I Wear My Wedding Dress EVERY YEAR On My Anniversary


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