What To Do When You’re Committed To Your Marriage But It’s Making You Miserable


How to fall back in love with him.

One of the toughest situations that can arise in a long-term relationship or marriage is when you’re committed to not getting a divorce, but you’re worried that things also can’t be repaired between you and your husband.

If that's where you are right now, please be reassured that you are not alone. Many couples find themselves in this exact same position, and it's never easy. 

RELATED: How To Save Your Relationship When One Of You Has Broken The Trust

In fact, according to a survey that Mary Kay Cocharo, licensed marriage and family therapist (and star of our latest YourTango Experts Video, which can be seen above) came across, most couples in this positions wait an average of six years before getting help once they start experiencing difficulty in their marriages!

Six years is a very long time to be at odds with the person that you once loved so dearly you pledged your heart to them forever.

So what causes this problem? How do people find themselves here?

Well, during your relationship there are certain kinds of love that you experience, and they can change.

The longer you are with someone, the more that love changes and matures over time. But the reason that this situation is so common is that most couples make a commitment to each other in the “romantic love” stage of their relationship — a.k.a. "The Honeymoon Phase"

This is when you’re falling in love, and there are a lot of brain chemicals and hormones making your commitment seem much easier. During this stage of the relationship, love is, for all purposes, essentially blind. Your heart is dedicated to the person that you love—and what could be sweeter than that?

But about two years into your relationship, you’re starting to feel … well... not quite so deeply in love.

This, says Mary Kay Cocharo, is known as the “power struggle” phase of love. The chemicals that are there for you during your romance phase have started to wear off, and reality with this person that you love is starting to change and look different.

It’s during this phase that many couples struggle to maintain their romantic sides and work diligently to return to the phase of “where they were before,” by any means necessary. They want their carefree natures back! And they’ll even consider divorce as a means of achieving it.

It’s not that you’ve suddenly become incompatible; it’s that your brain isn’t providing the same love chemicals that it once was and your relationship has literally started to change because of it.

This can go on and on for years, and while some couples might decide to divorce in this period, many others will decide to stay, even though they are unhappy and miserable and long for the way things used to be.

But this doesn’t have to be the case!

Being committed to not getting a divorce is important and will help you stay ahead. In fact, Cocharo believes that the fact that one person in the relationship is committed to growth, change, and working with their partner for the best potential outcome can make all the difference.

This dedication is the reason that you have a chance to succeed in your marriage. It's also the foundation for living the life that you want, rather than just settling for an unhappy relationship that you regret ever choosing to be in.

Working with someone like Mary Kay can help teach you essential communication tools, new, positive ways of interacting with each other, and even how to argue in a constructive manner.

If you're going to spend a lifetime together, you'll want to be happy. In fact, you both truly deserve that.

RELATED: The Truth About Why Men Are So Afraid To Go To Couples Counseling

If you want to talk to Mary Kay Cocharo about a trust issue or any other type of relationship problem, you can reach her here. She'd love to help!