Couples Who Think About THIS Have Better Relationships, Says Science

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thinking about sex more can help your relationship
Love, Sex

Are you thinking about the right things?

We all want better relationships, right? Of course we do! The world seems to turn based on love and sex. We’re human; it’s what we do.

Relationship advice oozes out of every crevice of the world and we all try to listen the best we can. Be nice, learn to compromise, have fun together and be open; it’s all great advice and we all try really, really hard.

Now, researchers are saying that the ultimate key to a better relationship is to THINK about sex more. That’s right, thinking about sex more can help your relationship. This doesn't mean to just have sex more and invest in updated lingerie, but to actually increase your frisky thoughts. Apparently, thinking about sex helps people open up, share information about themselves and bond.

Coming out next month in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, this new research is made up of three studies that have a total of 245 heterosexual participants. The studies have been conducted in Herzliya, Israel by psychologists at the Interdisciplinary Center, a private university.

During the first study, the participants were asked what kind of clothing, food, and locations they would like for a first date. In between the questions, pictures were flashed on a screen in front of the participants. The flashes were so quick that the participants weren’t consciously aware of them.

The photos featured naked members of the opposite sex and were purposely chosen for how erotic they were. Half of the participants were actually shown pictures of fish. After the questions, the participants were asked to share a personal story with someone attractive (actually the researchers) via Instant Messenger.

During the second study, half of the participants were asked to watch a sex scene in the film, Original Sin. The other half of the group were asked to watch videos on cat behavior. Afterward, all participants were asked to tell an embarrassing, personal story while face-to-face with people of the opposite sex.

During the third study, participants watched several videos of couples talking about their feelings or several videos of couples interacting sexually. Afterward, they were asked to tell a personal and embarrassing story to an attractive member of the opposite sex (a researcher) via online chat. They were also asked if they wanted to go on a date with that person.

Across all three studies, the results were consistent. The people who were exposed to sexual stimuli were more likely to open up about themselves and were more likely to want to meet the individual who they shared their story with, in person. There were no gender differences in the results.

While psychologists have always thought that sexual arousal was the body’s way of initiating sex with a partner, the studies point to the idea that it may be a way to initiate emotional bonding.

Gurit Birnbaum, an associate professor of psychology at the Interdisciplinary Center and a social psychologist says, “Sexual desire makes you chatty.” According to her, this is because the body is designed to build relationships.

Chattiness helps out a lot when people first start dating, but according to Birnbaum, it’s good for people in long-term relationships, too. Dr. Birnbaum says that a positive cycle of emotional intimacy is started when people are thinking about sex. When someone thinks about sex and then shares personal stories or information, it makes the other person like you more. And he or she will usually reciprocate by sharing their own stories if the attraction is mutual. This will make everyone involved feel more affection.

Dr. Birnbaum shares some advice that will help you harness this sexually driven chattiness, and use it to better your relationship:

1. Be aware of it and be careful who you start chatting to.

Over-sharing with the wrong people won’t do much to help your relationship out.

2. Pay attention to your partner.

If they seem extra romantic, it might be a good time to talk. Don’t use this time to bring up marital issues, though.

3. Don’t spill it all.

Just blabbering away at your partner about every little emotion or minor detail is not attractive. Instead, gradually open up and allow your partner to speak as well. Don’t hog the spotlight with a bunch of word vomit.

4. Curate a sexy atmosphere.

If you want to give your emotional bonding a little push, try creating an atmosphere that feels sexy. Try lighting candles at dinner, wearing a sexy outfit, or playing romantic music.

5. If your partner seems to be in a happy, sharing and open mood, have sex with them.

Thinking about sex more can help your relationship and is huge when it comes to bonding, but actually having sex is just as important, too.