The #1 Thing Guys Do During Fights That Annoys The CRAP Out Of Women

Photo: WeHeartIt
couple relationship

Listening is a great first step ... but we need more!

Relationships are awesome. You have someone in your life, someone to laugh at your bad jokes, someone to hide your farts from, and someone to have piping hot sex with if you are so inclined (and hell yes, most of us are very much so inclined).

But there is one thing about being in a relationship that is about as awesome as getting your nipples stuck in a car window: fighting with your person when you're in a relationship.

When we're angry or sad or frustrated or just generally upset it's not always easy to be the best version of ourselves.

Theoretically, we know all the right ways to communicate about what's got our panties in a wad, but it can be hard to whip out your "I" statements when you are in the thick of some white hot rage. 

I've definitely gotten better at fighting with my partner as I've had more experience both with being in relationships and with having fights that don't involve me bursting into angry tears and storming out of the house sans shoes.

Fighting, if you're doing it in a constructive way, doesn't have to hurt your relationship. It can help it. But that means you both have to participate, and let's be real: Dudes hate fighting. 

When I'm in a fight with my boyfriend we have very different goals. My goal is to work with my partner to fix whatever problem I need his help with addressing. His goal is to have me be not upset so that we can continue our binge of The Walking Dead in as much peace and quiet as a wealth of zombies will allow.

Somewhere along the line, men like my boyfriend (and I suspect your boyfriend too) learned that it is critical during a fight with a woman to say shit like "I hear what you're saying" and "I'm sorry you're feeling that way." 


Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to let the person you're communicating with know that you're there communicating with them, but come on guys, isn't that kind of just a natural byproduct of being a human being who is engaged in dialogue with another human being?

I don't give my cat a medal when he eats the food I provide him: because I just sort of assume that he knows to do that. It's the same with listening to someone talking. 

When I'm fighting with my boyfriend it's usually because I need his input on something or at the very least his constructive and active participation. When he just says something like "I'm sorry you're feeling that way," it's tapping out of the fight, it's ignoring the problem, and frankly, it's perpetuating the very sexist notion that women are just these little bladders of emotion that need draining in the form of ranting at their men, heaven bless them. 


Imagine you and your boss are working on a project together. Now imagine your boss comes to you because something about the project has gone wrong. Now imagine looking at your boss and saying "I'm sorry you're feeling that way." You'd be out your ass faster than you can say "please stop gaslighting women for having feelings and expecting you to have feelings too." 

Listening to your partner during a fight is a great start if you want to fight well. But it isn't the end of the journey.

Fighting is uncomfortable and hard for everyone involved, but that doesn't mean you get to tap out because it gives you gut-based discomfort. When you refuse to fight with your partner you're tapping out not just of the fight, but of the relationship and that blows harder than any blowjob lovin' pornstar


Instead of starting and stop with an acknowledgment that you hear her, why not take it a step further and ask how you can help? Why not make yourself even MORE vulnerable and say, "I don't fight well, and I know you're unhappy, but I don't know what to do." Guarantee you things will go a whole lot more smoothly for you, and the more smooth a fight the quicker it ends and you get back to the very serious business of giving the cat new and amusing nicknames.