How To Tell If Someone's Your Soulmate — Or Just Your Twin Flame

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The Truth Behind Soulmates
Love, Self

There's a biiiiig difference.

As a psychic, I do many readings daily for clients and I see a continual trend: People seem to think they are not whole by themselves.

At what point in humanity did we began to get spoon-fed we need a mate to make us whole? Why are we led to believe that if we do not have a mate at our side that we are incomplete and will not be complete until we find our "other half"? 

This all goes back to the biblical times where teachings begin to point out that it's "your duty" to marry and have children. That without doing this you are worn out and are worth nothing to society. There is so much, even now, that gears people toward feeling they are not a whole person because they do not have a mate. There are some pretty serious problems with such thoughts as these.

First, if you as a person feel empty, you are taught that you should search for someone else to fill that emptiness within you. The problem is: that's a very tall order and quite full of pressure for another person to take on. The truth is, YOU are in control of your emptiness.


The real question is: Why do you feel empty? Why do you feel like you have to have someone else to be happy? I'm certainly not saying we are all destined to be alone and that's the way it should be; what I am saying is that you, yourself, need to be whole, fill your own emptiness, and be responsible for yourself. Only then can you be with someone else with no pressure.

Now, the catch is being able to end up with someone who has also filled their own void inside, otherwise you end up with someone else who has sought you out to fill their own emptiness. Then you're the one feeling all the pressure from the other person.

Signs of emptiness are depression, anxiety, neurosis, clingy behavior, jealousy, possessiveness, anger, paranoia, and generalized uncomfortable feelings. Do any of these ring a bell for any of you? If you find these qualities exist, you need to go inward and figure out how to fill your own psychological "holes."

If you do not, then you will end up flitting from one relationship to the next. You'll never feel totally happy and settled, and will always keep trying to desperately try to find something or someone to fill that emptiness you feel.

I have one technique I share with clients to get them moving forward away from their "baggage" that holds them back. Folks, baggage only stays with you because you are still desperately seeking an outlet to fill what you perceive to be missing. Perception is a nasty thing. (At the end, I will provide you with the technique I teach my clients.)

Now we look at terms such as "soulmates" or "Twin Flames." Most of this is media hype. This is damaging for people that truly believe what they've just read. Here is the low down.

Soulmates are not your "other half" or the one you are "destined" to be with in this life. Soulmates are people you have been with in another lifetime or perhaps several others.


They bump into you in this life and this is why you recognize them somehow. You feel like you've known them forever. Many of them are your close friends, relatives, and yes, some are even lovers. So there are many soulmates that enter and exit your life.

Twin Flames are something completely different than soulmates. Many people get this twisted up and think it's one in the same. Twin Flames are two souls that made an agreement to split up to learn as much as they can to share it later. One typically will come into life; the other will stay on the other side to help guide the one here.

Later, they switch. One goes back to the other side, one comes back here. Their goal is to learn as much as they can. It is extremely rare for Twin Flames to find one another in the same lifetime. Mostly because they cannot learn if they are together in the same life.

If they are having the same experiences together, they are not learning individually anymore and cannot share knowledge later on with one another. It's very complicated. The truth is, in the rare event that you perhaps do meet yours in the same life, you'll know and you won't have to look up any website or ask any psychic.

The cold hard truth is that there isn't any single person that's "meant" for you. There are many people out there that you can choose from that will fit what you want in your life as a mate. If you and that person choose each other, then that's all you need to know.

Never forget YOU and you alone are responsible for your happiness. Your mate is responsible for his/her own happiness. Together you can be a wonderful pair that can live out life together.


Who you are destined to be with is yourself. Who you will be with in a loving, beautiful relationship or even marriage will be someone of whom you choose and who chooses you. Don't buy into believing there is someone else better out there for you than who you are with now.

If you are in a relationship and looking at the "grass" on the other side of the fence, guess what? That means you are NOT making yourself happy and you're placing that on the person you are with. Since that person isn't giving you what you perceive to lack, YOU are trying to move onto someone else.

This is a very unhealthy habit. Please get a hold of yourself and figure out what you lack and fix it yourself. Not to say you should stay with someone who makes you miserable but fix yourself first, and if you still don't want to be with that person, move on.

Some people are not meant to be in your life forever depending on your spiritual growth or theirs. Either way, don't go looking for it outside of your relationship or yourself. 

With that being said, here's the technique I give to my clients in order for them to rid themselves of past baggage so they can start healing themselves and moving forward:

1. First, get a pen and paper. Write down all the things about the situation that hurts you.

2. When you're done making your list, take it outside with a lighter or matches. Say, "Dear Universe (God, or Angels, depending on your beliefs), I now release my pain from (state your situation) to you and only loving feelings are now allowed. Thank you for taking my pain! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! So it is!" Repeat this process three times.

3. After you do this, burn this paper and let the wind carry it away. If you do not have any wind, when the paper is done burning, pick up the ashes in your hands and blow the ashes out in the air. The idea is, it carries it where it needs to go and is away from you. Do this daily if you need to until you start feeling released. 

This article was originally published at jendevillier.blogspot.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.