How Do I Receive the Love I Deserve?


Only one person can love you the way you deserve - and it isn't your partner.

Do you love yourself enough to be loveable? 

It turns out that the way you treat yourself impacts how you are treated by others. Not loving yourself enough can actually block you from receiving the true love from others that you crave in your life. 

Senior VP of YourTango and host Melanie Gorman asked a panel of our experts what the biggest hurdles are that stand in way of receiving the love we all truly deserve. The panel members sharing their expertise were psychotherapist and loving relationship expert Tamara J. Green; therapist and hypnotherapist Leslie Rouder; life coach Lora Lucinda Andersen; and renowned relationship expert and author John Gray, PhD.

So what did they say is the biggest obstacle to receiving love? In a word - Ourselves.

"A love problem really is a receiving problem... You actually set the bar. How much you love yourself is how much you are allowing love in," said Tamara J. Green. "It's important to be in a daily practice of receiving the love...people are always trying to give to us."

Loving yourself more is easier said than done, of course, but that energy breeds what is returned to you, she said. 

People have a lot of reasons for blocking love but perhaps the biggest is fear.

"Fear is probably the biggest blockage of receiving love that there is... love, as wonderful as it is, can also be experienced as very frightening or threatening in some way depending on what our own life experience has been," said Leslie Rouder. 

There's a difference between our perception of love and the reality of love, too. Do you know your own love language (gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch)? Or that of your partner?  

Gary Chapman coined the concept of "love languages" and our expert Lora Lucinda Andersen says there is a lot of validity in the idea that there is more than one way to show love.   

"It's important to know how your mate expresses love... sometimes you have to ask for what you need," Andersen said. 

The bottom line: Love yourself the way you want others to love you, and demand that level of love for yourself.

Check out the video above to see the rest of what our expert panel had to say about achieving the love we crave in our lives (including John Gray's explanation of love as a necessary means of survival).