Bad News For Jennifers: 5 Signs You're The Ultimate Gold Digger

gold digger
Love, Self

Not sure if you're a gold digger, ladies? Check this list.

Shakespeare once wrote, "What's in a name?" He then proceeded, via one of his most famous literary characters of all time, to try to convince his audience that a rose by any another name would still smell as sweet, and the thing is, he was right.

A name says a lot about a person, this can especially be said when people with the same name live up to the stereotype of that name. Have you ever met a Damien that wasn't sort of devilish in his behavior, or a Tiffany who isn't exactly that — a Tiffany? Probably not. If you're judging people by their names, don't feel bad, because you're not alone.

Recently, people's names have been up for discussion, men’s especially. A list was released with the top 10 guys most likely to cheat based on their name. Sitting at the top was Wayne, with Liam, Ryan, Matt, and Craig rounding out the top five, respectively. I can’t help but wonder how all the men named Wayne feel about this, and exactly how true it is. Personally, I'd like to see some percentages, but I digress.

If men's faithfulness can somehow be determined their names, what about women's names? What do our names have to say about us? Oh, just that we're gold diggers and petty criminals, of course! What, Ashley? You didn’t know you were bad news bears?

DirtSearch, after weeding through 2 million background searches done on their site, was able to find what lady names have been searched the most. The searches covered "petty crimes such as personal property, vandalism and identity theft," as well as women more likely to be gold diggers than all the rest.

Jennifer, did you know that you're in first place for this illustrious title of being a money-grubbing, petty criminal? Closing in behind Jennifer, from 2nd to 10th place, are Jessica, Michelle, Lisa, Ashley, Amanda, Melissa, Stephanie, Nicole, and Angela. As an Amanda, I object!

But if you find your name on this list, how do you know you're a gold digger? According to DirtSearch, these are the signs. I mean, you would probably want to know, right?

1. You're a princess.

You firmly believe that you're not just the bee's knees, but that you deserve everything and anything you want. You probably don't have any life goals, either short-term or long-term either. You know, because, why have goals when someone else is going to be your financial provider?

2. You play the 'woe is me' card.

Have trouble paying your bills, because you’d rather blow your cash on material things? If you’re a gold digger, that’s no problem at all! Instead, you'll just drop hints to whatever man you’re dating, and if he's as clueless as you hope he is, your rent for the next six months will be paid in advance by tomorrow. Hollar!

3. You lie about your age.

OK, this one is news to me, but apparently this is what gold diggers do: you say you’re older than you are. I know, right? Like, who does that? Answer: women who are after a dude just for his money will say, for example, they’re only 15 years younger than the guy in question, as opposed to the truthful 30 years younger. I don’t know the last time I met a 20-year-old who could pass herself off for 35… do you?

4. You're materialistic.

Not only do you NEVER, EVER pay for anything, but you want to be showered in the most expensive gifts around. You also demand that your man pay for everything; EVERYTHING, I tell you!

5. You're delusional.

How do you know you're the ultimate gold digger? You want to become a model or an actress, because, of course you do.

So, Jennifer and the rest of you on the list, how do you feel now about your potential gold digger status? Do you fit the profile? If you do, don’t feel bad. Some guys are really into that. Granted, they usually look like Donald Trump, but still.