I Wanna Be A Cowboy (& You Can Be My Cowgirl)


I had a birthday party over the weekend, it involved a mechanical bull and more Bud Light than you could shake a stick at. Obviously, it was a good time. After getting tossed on my face for the second time, I thought, "man, cowboys are pretty awesome."

First of all, chicks dig cowboys. Per an old poll, 77% of women think that cowboys will be better in the sack than businessmen (check out the funny web log Gents Prefer NY Blondes for more on that). On top of that 60% of women think that cowboys will make better husbands. What's it about cowboys that gets ladies all loosey in their goosey?

First off, cowboys are tough. I road a mechanical bull for roughly ten seconds and I can barely walk. My contusions have bruises. I'm lucky that I have an ample back porch, otherwise I could be bedridden with a broken @ss. While every dude thinks he's tough (when it counts), cowpokes aren't mistaken in this belief. Evidently, ladies like feeling safe and a guy who can rope a calf, bust a bronco and punch out a black hat.

Next, cowboy fashion is pretty flamboyant. Nothing says peacocking like a big-ass hat, cowboy boots and the sweetest Texas flag snap shirt this side of the Pecos. It's impossible to tell just by looking if a guy's an equity analyst rather than a commodities broker, but a pair of painted-on Wranglers is a pretty good sign that guy is a real gaucho (or, more likely, a greenhorn poseur).  The dude-factor of cowboy clothing is off the charts. And, going back to an earlier item, how much fun is a shirt with snaps instead of buttons? If you could measure the smelling ability of a bloodhound doggy against the coolness of a cowboy shirt, the cowboy shirt would win every time.

Cowboys got soul. I defy you to have a bottle of wine in you, listen to "Desperado" and it not get slightly onion-y in your immediate sector. It gets powerful lonely out on the range and a fella's got lots of time for self-reflection… and brown liquor. While I'm pretty sure it was Socrates (rather than Will Rogers) who said that the unexamined life is not worth living, stoicism is as western as chewing tobacco.

 Cowboys are polite, right? While there are probably cowboys who are rude, let's stick with the traditional idea that cowboys end sentences with "Sir" and "Ma'am." While chivalry has been wounded (suspects include the 24-hour news cycle, social networking sites and mobile telephony), a few fellows still know how to "treat a lady" and I've been led to believe that some gals still appreciate that old-fashioned, down-home charm.

Cowboys can dance a little bit. Sure it might be all fiddle, kick, snap, but boogeying is boogeying and I'm told that a girl sometimes appreciates putting on her fanciest dress and shaking it like Polaroid picture on Saturday evening. A good, old cowboy can provide that kind of action. You'll be doosey-doing it into the small hours of the morning.

When it comes down to it, everyone could cowboy up a little bit. But the same can probably be said of any powerful stereotype of men or women (yes, including the sensitive 90s guy and shrill shrew). Tell us your rootin'-est, tootin'-est cowboy love story (in the comments, we'll pick a winner on May 26, which gives you 11 more days than the original deadline!) and we'll send the best one a set of season 8 of Aussie-tastic McLeod's Daughters.

And in case you think I forgot to mention Brokeback Mountain, I was waiting for the end (ugh).

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