Confrontation Clarity

Love, Heartbreak

Pauline realizes that sometimes small differences are better left alone.

I’ve been on a bit of a blog-writing-hiatus. Switching jobs, training my replacement, and helping my dad promote the book he just wrote (see to hear the podcast we made, and search Beyond Fossil Fools at YouTube to see the video) has kept my brain too occupied and full to write. Then, on the 5th we left for a road-trip to Canada’s mountains-majesty to attend a destination wedding. We just got home a few days ago. Much more on this later.

Today, I want to write about something I’ve been thinking about for a few weeks. A relationship-revelation sort of deal.

My husband and I got embroiled in an “emotional debate” (argument just doesn’t fit for what we do). As a general rule, we get along famously – we’ve figured out a lot in the area of marriage communication. However, when we do start down this tension-filled path and start to butt heads, it seems to almost always take the same damn form. Sound familiar? We continuously agree that we’ll get over/fix/avoid going there, but inevitably every few months we find ourselves there. Again.

Anyway, after the ED was over, I began to reflect on it in a way I never have before. I thought: how does Steve approach me when I’ve said/not said/done/not done things that bothered him, and how do I react? Do I also get defensive? I thought some more. And more. And for the life of me, I couldn’t think of the last time Steve had confronted me.

Could this be true? Do I do nothing that bugs my husband? Wow. What a wife I am… dang near perfect if Steve’s lack of confrontation is any gauge.

But (I thought, as reality trickled in), how about the times I’m mean to him because I’m stressed? How about the times I don’t follow through on things I’ve said I’d do? How about the times when I’m stubborn or illogical or jump to the wrong conclusion or don’t say the thing he wants to hear or….what about all the times I’ve said/not said/done/not done the exact same things that, when he does them, I have to “address it”?

The only conclusion I can possibly come to here is that Steve accepts me. As I am. He knows that sometimes, because I’m human and we are in a long-term relationship and these things happen, I will do upsetting things. But it must not matter to him, it’s not worth even bringing up, because it is completely insignificant in the face of the love he has for me.

OMG, I thought. This cannot be true. I mean, him loving me and accepting me the way I am is 100% wonderful. But you can see the not-so-nice flip side: all of our EDs are started by me?! I think, no, no, NO, they are started by the things he has said/not said/done/not done. Right? I mean, these things need to get cleared up. I shouldn’t hold on to them; I need to talk to him about it so it can be resolved and fixed. Right? RIGHT?

Ummm. Maybe not right. Steve doesn’t seem to suffer by NOT bringing these things to the table. In fact, he seems more content by not doing so. Wow, I thought.

Incredible. In a kind of life changing sort of way.

This concludes another view from my married life.