Top 10 Things People Do Wrong When Looking for a Date

Love, Sex

Frustrated trying to find a date or relationship? Here's where you may be making mistakes...

“They don't even see me!”

“I repel good-looking women!”

“I'm just not in the same league with the guys I'm interested in!”

Finding a date can be rough.

You try to look your best and act in way that will attract the right kind of attention from the right kind of person, but it isn't working. After several failed attempts, it may seem to you that the people you'd like to date aren't interested in you and never will be.

It might even feel like nobody wants to date you.

This can amount to a lot of loneliness and frustration.

You may be asking yourself, “What am I doing wrong?!”

The truth is, there could actually be some things that you're doing that are turning off others. If you're having a tough time getting dates or your perfect relationship hasn't yet come your way, it's possible that some of your habits are part of the problem.

When you discover the ways that you prevent love from coming you, then you have the power to make changes. It's uncomfortable to acknowledge this. Many of us look at everyone but ourselves and any external situation or condition as the reason why we're not having the experiences we want to have.

While there are certain things you can't change-- like your height or the opinions of others-- there's a whole lot that you DO have power over. Be honest with yourself about what your habits are and then invite yourself to try something different instead.

Here are the top 10 mistakes you might be making when trying to get a date...

#1: Assume the worst of yourself.

If you're insecure or have low self esteem, it will show. When you expect that the hot guy by the bar doesn't even know you're alive, chances are that's what will happen. When you believe that you mess up every encounter you have with interesting women, this will be your reality.

STOP and catch yourself when you think and expect the worst.

#2: Assume the worst in others.

Do you carry painful past experiences along with you? Do you anticipate being treated in a certain way by a person just because he or she is attractive, has tattoos, works a particular job or just because he is a man or she is woman?

STOP! Remind yourself to greet each person you meet as fresh and new. Base your decision about whether or not to spend time with someone on facts and not on your assumptions.

#3: Pretend to be something that you're not.

Another kind of assumption you might make is about what you think is attractive to others. You may believe that you have to lead a certain lifestyle, wear certain clothes or speak and treat others in a certain way in order to get a date and/or a relationship.

If you're pretending to be something that you're not, this will backfire. Everytime.

Be proudly who you are instead of trying to imitate what you think is attractive.

#4: Overdo it.

Whether you're being flirty, funny or sexy, don't take it over the top. A little bit of all these-- that is genuine-- can help you stand out and catch the eye of someone you're interested in. What will turn a person off is if you try too hard and overdo it.

Relax and allow things to unfold naturally.

#5: Overthink it.

“Should I text him?” “How soon until I can call her?” “What does it mean that he friended me on Facebook?”

STOP overthinking this! Sure, you're excited if you have a great conversation or even more with this person you just met. Yes, you want to see this person again for a date, but don't analyze every word each of you said trying to find some deeper meaning.

This will make you stressed out and crazy and possibly take you off into inaccuracies.

#6: Hold back.

There's a dating myth that, even if you're interested, you should be cool and aloof. Being mysterious and even acting like you don't like the person (when you do) is confusing and erodes trust before a relationship can even begin.

Don't hold back and manipulate or play games.

#7: Lie.

Even if they're “little white lies” and seem completely harmless, don't lie. You don't have to pour out your heart about everything you've ever done that you regret, your crappy job or the dramas of your past. But, if these topics come up, don't lie about them either.

Be honest and then re-direct the conversation back to what you enjoy and want to talk about.

#8: Be self-consumed.

There are many ways to be self-consumed-- it's not just those with over-inflated egos who can't see beyond their own reflections. Your fixation on how “fat” you think you are is one example of self-absorption. It doesn't serve you and it certainly won't get you a date.

#9: Put your worst self forward.

We all have habits that show the worst of us. Sometimes these habits come out when we least want them to-- like when we're nervous and trying to impress someone.

Be aware of what you do that you don't like and that isn't attractive (chewing your nails, dominating a conversation, gossiping, etc.) and take steps to stop this habit.

#10: Hide you best self.

What you think is weird, strange or even embarrassing about yourself, may be exactly what draws in the prefect partner for you. It's true!

Stop hiding your most unique and interesting characteristics and, instead, embrace them.

Remember to breathe, be real and let your best self shine through when you're interacting with others. THAT will help you attract someone who is a wonderful match for you.


Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors.  Their Automatic Attraction Secrets program can be your guide to finding your perfect partner easily and effortlessly.