3 Major Mistakes I Made When I Was Dating (And You Should Avoid)


We all make mistakes and learning from them is key. What have I have unlocked on my dating journey?

I'm a Relationship Coach and I'm human. I bleed. I hurt. I've said stupid things that I regretted in the dating arena. There are times I fumbled through dates wishing I was more confident. There, I said it and what a relief that release was. In fact, I felt so good about it, I'm going to say a little more.

Here are the 3 most costly rookie mistakes I've made on my dating journeys:

1. I fell victim to the 'grass is greener' trap.

Yes, one of the most common pratfalls of online dating is the belief that while Person A may have been a fun date, there are just so many people in the inbox that could be better and thus, you punt or hesitate. I have done this more times than I care to admit and I am 100% convinced I have lost a lot of potential long term relationships as a result.

Don't be like this Rob Lowe. If Person A feels right, give them a chance. Even if it means giving polite and honest replies to five people that may have e-mailed you while you were on a date with them.

2. I introduced them to my friends for the wrong reasons.

Yep, there was a time when I would not feel comfortable that someone was long term potential unless they could hang with my friends. In this, I would introduce them to my friends as an interview of sorts. The issue with this train of thought is that I was not dating my friends and my friends needs aren't the ones I was looking to have met.

So what started off as an honest attempt at determining compatibility quickly became an easy way to let someone go. In short, I would let the scrutiny of friends lead to my own doubts over someone's potential. Clearly pedestrian and clearly not the way to go.

Follow your own gut, heart and head and introduce your significant other to your friends for no other reason than you're comfortable doing so and you want them to share in your experiences.

3. I let my perception of someone else's perception drive my actions and words with them.

Said a better way, if I wanted to kiss someone or tell them how I felt, I would hesitate because I had already invented their reaction in my head. Sometimes this was a confidence issue and other times it was simply a presumption of how they were feeling and my reaction to that presumption.

I remember someone telling me after a first date that they were not interested in seeing me again. They went on to say that I just didn't seem interested.

The trouble is that I was but I didn't show it. Don't be your own worst enemy when dating. Show up, be present and SWIM Backwards. A.K.A. Say What I Mean and Mean What I Say. Otherwise, you will lose opportunities that you will likely not get back.

On another but sort of related note: Self-deprecation and vulnerability can be so healthy and disarming. You should try it.

Good night.