The Online Dating Message That's GUARANTEED To Get You A Great Response

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The Best Dating App Opener


When online dating, many people only wink/like or send/get short e-mails or messages on dating apps. These not only create a lousy connection, they're also hard to respond to, so many people just ignore them.

Then if you write a real e-mail, only hearing back from 1 out of 10 people can leave you feeling discouraged or hopeless.

There is, however, an easy way to write e-mails that doubles or triples the chance you’ll hear back, and plus, you are likely to get a more meaningful response!

The format is this:

Step 1: Open with their name.

Step 2: Appreciate something about their profile (or photos).

This should be a topic that is meaningful to you. Not something trivial but something real, something that is important to you — it can be a book they mention, place in nature they went to, or something they value about the relationship they are looking for, etc. This will make them feel great when they open your e-mail and gives them an incentive to respond!

Step 3: Ask them something that relates to their profile or photos.

Or it can be something that is important to you that they don’t mention. It might be what outdoor adventures they are planning for this summer or what "spiritual but not religious" means to them if they selected this option. Having a question makes it easy for them to respond back.

Step 4: Reveal something similarly deep about yourself.

It can be answering the same question you just asked them or something related or equivalent. Show them you are willing to be vulnerable too — it will encourage them to be real in how they respond. One to three sentences are enough.

Step 5: End with a salutation (such as "Enjoy!" or "Have a great weekend!") and then your name (preferably your first name).

Oh, and don’t ever ask for their name. For some reason, guys tend to do this and it often feels subtly threatening and pushes women away.

If you want a conscious relationship, focus on topics and questions that encourage authenticity. If you are looking for dates that are simple, playful, and fun, speak to these things.

Be true to your personality too. Be funny if you really are funny. Be more serious if you are an intellectual type. Talk about what inspires you if you are passionate. Be who you are in how you connect so potential dates get a sense of you from the beginning — you’ll both waste less time.

Remember that you may still only hear back from 3 out of every 10 people you write. However, these are likely to be much better responses that lead to much better dates.

I’ve been using this approach for years myself whenever I’m single and with hundreds of clients. It will get simple and easy for you with a bit of practice, and…it works.

Laureli Shimayo is a matchmaker specializing in conscious online dating. She has a unique way of matching compatible partners by their eyes.