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Some types have a harder time falling in love than others.
By Sloane Solomon
Last updated on Oct 26, 2023
Do you have a hard time falling in love? While it's easy for some of us to fall head over heels in an instant, there are others who find it tougher to feel that kind of a romantic connection with another person.
Some people fall in love fast and easily. There are those who experience that "fall in love" feeling every time they're in a relationship with someone. However, there are others who can't be swept off their feet at the drop of a hat.
Some of us just aren't hopeless romantics. We may not believe in the whole soulmate or true love concept. Others require a little more time to obtain a deeper connection towards someone, feeling a little trepidation in the process.
And it may come as a natural part of our individual personality traits.
Falling in love can be a scary thing, especially if we've never felt these feelings towards someone before, or have experienced a serious heartbreak from it in our past.
It's important to remember that love is complicated, and we all deal with matters of the heart a little differently. This is why being familiar with your Myers-Briggs personality type can help, as each type has a different way of seeing love and relationships. And the traits belonging to each type factor into how we view romantic relationships.
Here are the Myers-Briggs personality types who have a hard time falling in love, ranked from most to least.
1. ESFP
An ESFP is the personality type that is usually the least likely to fall in love easily.
This type is used to living their lives fast and in the moment, which carries over into their relationships. Long-term partnerships aren't something that an ESFP looks for or even really desires to have in their lives.
This type has a fear of commitment and anything else that comes with a serious relationship. This is because it's really just not their preference to have anything long-term, and they would rather exert their time and energy on fun, short relationships that bring them enjoyment over settling for slow, stable romances.
These kinds of liaisons fit better with their adventurous, fast-moving lifestyles.
2. INTJ
Long-term relationships are a serious business for an INTJ, meaning that falling in love will take a very long time.
Everything must be studied and calculated. This type isn't willing to take any risks when it comes to their hearts. Potential romantic partners need to be thoroughly examined and fit the criteria that an INTJ has thought up for them.
Romance is never something to be taken lightly, which is why you won't ever find an INTJ who falls easily into love.
An INTJ's love for their significant other is strong and filled with an unwavering devotion, but actually getting to that point is a lengthy process for anyone with this personality type.
3. ENTJ
Honesty time: this type is ruthless regarding romantic relationships. In fact, their take-no-prisoners approach to personal relationships is this type's main weakness.
ENTJs have zero problem cutting ties and moving on with nary a second glance. They tend to have major problems sensing the feelings of others, and heartbreak just isn't even in their vocabulary.
Although all these characteristics make it seem like an ENTJ is an emotionless robot who's totally incapable of falling in love, it's probably because they really are. Truthfully, an ENTJ does want a long-term relationship, but these dominant parts of their personality often provide weighty obstacles to their love lives.
4. ISFJ
Romance can be tricky business for an ISFJ. An extremely high value is placed on committed relationships. This value combined with an ISFJ's natural shyness can cause a protective wall to be built around their hearts.
An ISFJ can't let themselves go through any kind of relationship that will cause damage to their emotions and won't ever risk letting themselves fall for someone if there is even one tiny doubt in their feelings for each other.
Falling in love can be a real struggle for this type, since they are often afraid to completely open their hearts up to anyone.
5. ESTP
This type finds it very hard to move their relationships to a more serious place. It's easy for them to become bored and feel stuck in relationships, so moving on quickly is hardly an issue for them.
They have a difficult time becoming emotionally closer to their partners, so they never really experience that feeling of falling in love. Their romantic relationships are never deep enough or have enough substance to get to that point.
Getting to the love stage can take a ton of work and patience with an ESTP.
6. INTP
An INTP is an extremely reserved individual. Entering into any kind of new relationship, romantic or not, is scary for them.
Relationships never come easily to an INTP. This type also carries a fear of rejection with them.
They would rather not even experience the feeling of falling in love than to take a chance by putting themselves and their hearts out there.
7. ISFP
At their core, ISFPs are highly emotional people. However, they guard these intense feelings with their lives.
Since this type is so emotionally complex, falling in love isn't something that comes effortlessly to them. Commitments must never be forced or rushed, as an ISFP will have no problem leaving the second that they feel any kind of pressure.
An ISFP won't allow themselves to completely fall in love until they can trust their partner enough to be able to fully open all of their emotions and feelings to them, which can only happen little by little with time and patience.
8. INFJ
Love is a serious business for this type. Potential romantic partners are carefully scrutinized before an INFJ will even consider entering into a relationship with someone.
While this may not sound very romantic, it's simply because an INFJ doesn't want to waste their own time or anyone else's by pairing up with someone they don't share that special connection with.
An INFJ is constantly on the lookout for "the one." They don't care how long it takes. They'll keep searching for as long as they have to until they're able to find someone worth falling head over heels for.
9. ESFJ
If someone is an ESFJ, they've likely experienced heartbreak at least once before in their lives.
ESFJs have to be very careful when it comes to romantic relationships because they tend to rely too much on the validation of their partners. They can be a little needy sometimes.
It's incredibly hard for this type to let themselves fall for someone again after they've already experienced such heartbreak, and the more often they have relationships that end badly, the harder it becomes for them to open up to the possibility of being in love again.
10. ISTP
This is one of the types that likes to live in the present. You won't find an ISTP planning for the future or pining away for a fairytale romance.
They can also be fickle when it comes to relationships. They'll walk away from a relationship in an instant if it doesn't match up to what they want in that moment.
However, an ISTP is full of surprises and this spontaneous, passionate part of their personality doesn't make them as afraid to love someone as other types.
11. INFP
This type often has trouble separating fantasy from reality.
This can make falling in love with someone difficult when they have to meet up with the specific standards an INFP has thought up in their head. It's hard for an INFP to get past this picture of perfection.
Nonetheless, INFPs are still hopeless romantics who love the idea of falling in love. They also understand when something isn't meant to be, and if it isn't, they will handle a breakup mutually and respectfully.
12. ENTP
Unlike some types, ENTPs actually see growth and progression as a fun, positive thing.
Commitment doesn't scare this type, because what they're really doing in a relationship is working towards the long-term by encouraging their partners and themselves to constantly be improving.
Falling in love is just seen as a natural part of the dating process that helps to strengthen the partnership each day.
13. ENFJ
ENFJs are relationship people through and through. Being in a loving, devoted relationship brings them their greatest amount of pleasure in life.
However, an ENFJ can sometimes be their own worst enemy. They tend to sometimes fall in love a little too fast and too hard. They're eager to please their romantic interests and often make the mistake of losing their own identities by disappearing into their relationships.
An ENFJ often runs the risk of relationships backfiring from falling in love prematurely.
14. ENFP
There's no type that loves quite like an ENFP.
An ENFP has virtually no fear of falling in love, and this is because no one is more enthusiastic about the prospect of spending their life with another person than this type is. From the start, an ENFP is in it 100%.
An ENFP is even good at maneuvering relationship obstacles that would cause most other types to have serious issues. This type can even work out long-distance relationships.
They're the Romeos and Juliets of the personality type world. Nothing is greater or compares to that feeling of a deep romantic attachment.
15. ISTJ
You won't find a more dependable, stable relationship than what you'll get with this type. Love isn't something an ISTJ fears having in their lives, because they make absolute certain that they find a partner who's just as trustworthy as they are.
Another reason that an ISTJ is usually so successful with love is because they stick to traditional dating methods. They don't bother with or enjoy being thrown into unpredictable romantic situations.
They don't allow themselves to get involved in anything casual. They look for compatibility and stability in their romantic prospects.
They're also not hopeless romantics. Their idea of love is grounded in realism. This also works in their favor as ISTJ can separate the fantasy of falling in love from the reality of falling in love.
16. ESTJ
There's no type more straightforward than an ESTJ. It's the situation where what you see is always what you get.
There's little for an ESTJ to fear, since all their cards are out on the table from the very start. They're perfectly clear about who they are and what they want.
This honest approach to love, coupled with an ESTJ's confidence in themselves, makes them basically fearless in love and relationships. It's safe to say that ESTJs have this falling in love thing pretty much on lock.
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Sloane Solomon is a writer, editor, and former contributor to YourTango who covers lifestyle, relationships, and pop culture topics. She's a graduate of the University of Colorado, and has had her work published on Yahoo, MSN, and other outlets.