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15 Real Men Share How They Show Their Love With Acts Of Devotion

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acts of service love language
Love

It's doing more than what's expected of you.

In 1995, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book about the different ways in which we love and how we express it. His book is called The 5 Languages of Love: How To Express Your Commitment To Your Mate. According to Chapman we each express love in one of five ways: Touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, and acts of service (or devotion).

For some people, the acts of service love language might be one that's the trickiest to wrap your head around. To get a handle on what exactly this love language means, I urge you to focus on just two little words: Just. Because. A person who speaks this love language of the 5 love language is the kind of romantic partner who will buy you flowers for no reason. They will clean up the dishes after making an elaborate feast. They will massage your feet after you've hard a hard day. Why are they doing it? Just because. 


RELATED: The 5 Ways People Express Love (Plus, How To Identify YOUR Way)


If you're still have a tough time grappling with what life with a person who speaks this love language looks like, we should find out what men think about it. These real men shared their opinions in the reddit subforum AskMen, and what they had to share will help paint a clearer picture for you of what life looks like with a man who speaks the acts of service love language.

1. Channel your inner Emeril.

"I cook for, and with, her. I don't have a vast repertoire, but I know enough to make some decent dishes from time to time. Yesterday we did slow-cooker beef shanks with sweet potatoes and sauteed rainbow chard."

2. Launch a cuteness strike.

"I know she's a big dog person, so I like to pepper her with cute dog pictures from time to time... especially Corgis, because they're arguably her favorite breed."

3. Stick to the basics.

"I'm an acts of service kind of guy. I'll do all sorts of things for you, but I have a tough time with gifts, words, affection."

4. Be a personal mechanic.

"Today I'll be showing her by taking apart the engine in her stupid car to figure out why it won't start."

5. Stay romantic.

"One day I cut out little paper hearts and sprinkled them on her slippers once before leaving for work. She flipped when she saw them."

6. Use your brain power.

"When one of my exes had some big grad school exams coming up, I did some research and bought her a box full of tasty brain healthy snacks."

7. Include her in home repairs.

"I work on her home repairs and welcome her to come help me with mine. It's a crucial difference from other relationships I have had: I'm always happy to fix things but I love this woman so much, I am happy to let her into my life, too."

8. Keep it simple. 

"Dishes. Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. Bathing the dog. Shopping. Not complaining when shopping with her. Listening and not talking."


RELATED: There Are 5 Love Languages — Here's What Yours Says About You


9. Buy her favorite television show.

"One way that I've been doing it lately is by downloading recent episodes of Jeopardy (which airs during work hours in my area) and sharing them with her on Dropbox so she can get her Jeopardy fix without buying a DVR."

10. Make her life easier.

"Anything that can make her life a little easier and show that I'm willing to do things that enrich and/or simplify her life rather than be a draw on it."

11. Do what's unexpected.

"For me, acts of service are doing things you're not expected or asked to do but you do them anyway because you care and want to make the other person happy. So doing chores that you're expected to do or agreed upon with your partner — not acts of service. But bringing them food or soup because you know they're sick, or fixing their computer because it's running slow, even though they didn't ask you to are examples of acts of service to me."

12. Give her a little TLC.

"My girlfriend came down with strep yesterday, so I ran to the grocery store and got the ingredients to make fresh homemade chicken noodle soup... it's been simmering since late last night. I'm going to take it by her place after work and try to pamper her... hopefully pick up around the house while she rests."

13. Go above and beyond.

"If I'm expected to do it (chores, picking the kids up from practice, buying groceries), it's not an Act of Service, it's simple responsibility in the relationship. Scraping the ice off of her window before she gets out to her car in the morning, offering to pick her friend up from the airport because she cannot, seeing that she's running low on her favorite tea and quietly restocking it... those are all Acts of Service."

14. It's the little things. 

"It's the little things. Little gestures that show you pay attention to the details of life. Taking out the trash, doing the dishes, ordering takeout, sweeping the floors, laundry, making the bed — just the every day things. To me it shows that you know all these little details can add up and since you're part of the team, you want to do your part."

15. Bring the essentials.

"I speak this love language more than I receive it. Concrete romantic examples: I would run a bath for my partner, bring her coffee in bed, a glass of wine when she was on the couch, stuff like that."


RELATED: What You See First In This Personality Test Reveals Which Love Language You Speak


Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the love and dating advice show, Becca After Dark, on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

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