Stop Waiting For The Person Who Is 'Ready' For A Relationship

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ready for a relationship
Love, Self

It's more complicated than that.

By Jane Foong

You said, "He wasn't ready, so we did not start a serious relationship."

He was not ready, so we gave up halfway.

He was not ready, so we did not take the relationship any further.

And you moved on, by searching for the person who really was ‘ready’ for a relationship. And then the cycle repeated, you ended up with bruises all over your arms and knees because you fell for the person who was not ‘ready.’

Now, take a step back and think about this.


When he said he isn’t ‘ready’ for a relationship,

You aren’t ‘ready’ for a relationship too.

He isn’t ready for the responsibility of your feelings, the personal baggage that you wanted to dump to him. Making yourself a victim doesn’t make you look like you deserve love; it makes you look like a beggar for love, love that you couldn’t afford.

He isn’t ready for the emotions that you abandoned, the broken heart that you left at the corner of your shadow.

She thinks of her heart as a cactus.

Trying to pass it off to someone to take care of it.

It’s too painful for her to hold her heart for even a second.

RELATED: 11 Signs You're Not Emotionally Strong Enough For A Relationship

I remember Ken Jeong saying to Ice Cube in Ride Along 2“Look at you. You would run from yourself.” All the while I thought it was just a joke. But you’re running away from yourself, your emotions. Hoping to run to the right one to save you out of yourself.

You shame yourself so much that you needed someone to constantly un-shame you. People who hate or shame themselves can never find love.


I hope you love yourself first. I hope you will not put yourself in the same situation again and again because to change the outcome, you have to change the attitude.

Love yourself, sounds cliché. 

It is.

It is so important that people can’t keep that off their lips, their fingertips. They gave talks about it, wrote about it even sang about it.

Yet, you failed to see the true meanings of it.

One day, you feel so bad. You lost a person that you thought you could be with forever, simply because you were not ready.

When a relationship makes you see the future with that person, everything comes to senses, you are no longer blinded by love. You see fears and insecurities eroding you, fear of losing that person because of your own insecurities. Insecurities that looks like an empty black hole because you did not love yourself enough. Slowly you couldn’t find the strength to love anymore.

You wished you could meet that person, 

When you were ‘ready;’

When you were done rebuilding yourself;

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When you love yourself so much that you need no reassurance of love from your next partner.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.