Who You Should Marry, Based On What Type Of Natural Lover You Are

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how to find a lover

In some cases, opposites attract. In others, like attracts like.

Sexual chemistry is a primal thing. There's a reason it's called "chemistry": it involves our most basic biological drives, which are conveyed through the chemical compounds we call hormones.

Hormones, however, are just the handmaidens of two fundamental energies, the Feminine and the Masculine. We all channel both of these energies within us, and it's your proportion of them that shapes your sexual nature. 

These energies also determine who you'll "click" with, and how strongly. When we look at the Feminine and Masculine in the light of modern science, we can see how sexual chemistry works. 

Humans evolved in East Africa during a time when the climate frequently flipped from wet to dry, the landscape turning from forest to savannah and back again, over and over. Sometimes we'd want to have lots of babies because resources were abundant in the forest. At other times, we'd want to keep a lid on our libidos to avoid making a lot of babies we couldn't feed on the savannah. 

During this time, humans evolved two different mating patterns: one that involved sexual promiscuity, and the other that emphasized sexual exclusivity.

Men with more Feminine (higher levels of the hormone oxytocin) naturally like to mate with multiple partners, as do women with more Masculine (higher levels of testosterone). Men with less Feminine and women with less Masculine, by contrast, are inclined to mate with only one partner. 


These mating patterns are now "hard-wired" within us like one's eye color or being left- or right-handed. They're expressed through four basic types of people, which, in the personality type framework, are known as Nymphs, Muses, Satyrs, and Centaurs. 

Here's what each type is like: 

1. Nymph: A woman with moderate Masculine. Wired to create more babies with more partners under conditions of abundance, she's typically flirty and likes to be in and around water. 

2. Muse: A woman with minimal Masculine. Wired to make fewer babies with a single partner under conditions of scarcity, she's more restrained and prefers airy gardens and parks. 

3. Satyr: A man with moderate Feminine. Typically energetic and charming, he favors the promising and new. He likes the ladies, as well as earthy places with lots of trees around. 

4. Centaur: A man with minimal Feminine. Typically intense and focused, he favors the tried and true. He looks for his One Woman and likes the sun's fire in wide open spaces. 

As you might imagine, Nymphs and Satyrs go together romantically, as do Muses and Centaurs. Nymphs and Satyrs, although they're "wired" for promiscuity, can be happily monogamous.

Once they make a strong sexual connection, they're inclined to go with it. Muses and Centaurs can be passionate, too, and they're almost always monogamous. It's an integral part of their nature. 

How does the mutual attraction of Nymphs and Satyrs vs. Muses and Centaurs play out? One of the best examples is provided by the 80s movie Sixteen Candles. In the beginning of the movie, a Centaur, Jake, is with a Nymph, Caroline. He's the school hunk, and she's a teen queen, but they're just not clicking as a couple. 

The Muse Samantha, a quiet sophomore, starts making eyes at Jake. She doesn't flirt with him up close, just looks at him from across the room. This resonates with him. "It's kind of cool the way she's always looking at me," he tells a friend. Their mutual attraction leads him to lock eyes with her across the dance floor one night, and then, as they say, it is on

When Caroline gets drunk at a party, Farmer Ted, a horny geek Satyr, gets to drive her home. Samantha spurned Ted earlier, but he has a natural bond with Caroline. In true Nymph style, Caroline actively flirts with him up close, falling into his arms.

As a Satyr, Ted thinks, "She's my kind of woman," kisses her, and they spend the night together. The next morning, after she sobers up, she kisses him again. 


In Sixteen Candles, the Muse and the Satyr can't make a romantic connection. Neither can the Nymph and the Centaur. The Muse and Centaur, however, click together like two puzzle pieces, although it takes them the whole movie to do that. The Nymph and Satyr, for their part, act on their attraction immediately and snap together like two powerful magnets. 

These Nymph/Satyr and Muse/Centaur dynamics are also seen in some of our culture's most accurate expressions of human nature: Disney movies. In The Little Mermaid, the Nymph Ariel washes up on a beach, and within minutes she's enfolded in the arms of the man she's attracted to. In Beauty and the Beast, the Muse Belle keeps her distance from her, uh... man, and when she touches his paw towards the end of the movie, the gesture is significant.

So how do you know your basic type? If you're a woman, and you gravitate towards water — lakes, streams, pools, hot tubs — chances are you're a Nymph. If you prefer airy flower gardens to earthy vegetable gardens, and seldom get in the water at the beach or pool, you're probably a Muse.

If you flirt with men up close, touching them on the arm or shoulder to indicate your interest, you're definitely a Nymph. If you keep your distance from men and make only eye contact when you flirt with them, you're most likely a Muse. 

As a Nymph, your Satyr will be prowling for you. He'll be attracted to other Nymphs in the room and may talk with them, but he will be most attracted to you. You'll feel that in his gaze and body language. He'll be like Will Smith in the movie Hitch: focused on you, doing his best to charm you, and succeeding. 


If you're a Muse, your Centaur will be searching for you. He will not be attracted to other women in the room, but you'll feel his attraction to you. He'll look at you intently, and wait to make eye contact before approaching. He'll be like Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice: wanting to get to know you in a more private setting. 

What are Nymph/Satyr and Muse/Centaur relationships like? That depends on the intensity of each partner's energy. Satyrs, for instance, connect most strongly with Nymphs of equal intensity. Think "hot" Satyr Donald Trump and his "hot" Nymph wife Melania, a former swimsuit model.

Centaurs, on the other hand, do best with Muses whose intensity is polarized from their own. Think "hot" Centaur Colin Powell and his "warm" Muse wife Alma, who writes children's books. 


If you'd like to learn more about energy intensity, the basic types, and how to find your natural lover, you can review the Kaneros personality type framework at www.kaneros.com. It'll help you identify the type of person with whom you can form a relationship that's fun, fulfilling, and frisky.