To My Husband: I Just Want To Be Seen

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To My Husband: I Just Want to Be Seen

I want to you pay attention like you did when I was a novelty in your life.

I think there’s been a misunderstanding about what it means to "settle down" with someone.

I love that in a marriage we have the security of knowing the other person is always there. But unlike a reliable appliance you purchase once and don’t think about until it needs replacing, I require a little more active observation. I’m a person, not an installation.

Listen, I know that we’ve been doing this whole marriage thing for a while and there’s not much of me you haven’t seen. I know me being naked is hardly a novelty and you’ve heard my stories so many times you can recite them word-for-word with the correct cadences.

I also realize that variety is the spice of life, and settling down with anyone is a major roadblock to keeping things new and different, if we’re being honest.


While we’re both going to have new life experiences that cause us to grow and change accordingly throughout our time together, day-to-day we’re still the same people and I see how that can get boring.

I crave excitement and I want to share mine with you when I feel it on any level. I want us to sprint into fresh adventures and talk about what ideas we’re currently enamored by.

This is the lifestyle I dream of for myself, and perhaps naively I hoped it was part of the one we were going to build together, even if it was just a few fleeting moments over some wine in the evening.

When I share my enthusiasm with you about anything, it doesn’t mean I’m trying to brainwash you into being my emotional clone. It just means I still care enough about you to bring you into the elation I’m feeling in the moment.

To me, that’s a sign my passion is still alive.


I want to you pay attention like you did when I was a novelty in your life. I’m not claiming to be as fascinating as I was before you saw me naked the first time, but being given the same amount of consideration as I was when we were dating will do wonders for both of us and our dynamic.  

I don’t need you to buy me anything new or go out of your way to impress me on a superficial level. I just want you to see me as I am now and recognize what I’ve become since we started this journey together.

I don’t ask you what you think of my new eyeliner because I think you care at all about eyeliner. I ask you to look at me wearing something new because maybe that will remind you that I’m still here, present and actively participating in this marriage.

I’m still all the fresh, new things you found fascinating about me at the beginning, even if it's become routine. I’m still here. I just want to feel like I am enough and that I'm appreciated.