How Evolved From


The mental equivalent in love complements of Alex and Aggie.

Love can happen in an instant or it's a slow burn. Like any deep connection, the evolution of love is organic and does not follow reason. Converting an online wink to a full fledged off-line love is the same.I don't believe that love is a matter of timing because true love knows no time. Love trumps timing, circumstance, and even your own will. Such is the force of its impact. Love arrives and takes firm form in a person's life in response to a soul call. Please note it is not my intention to be all New Agey here since that is not my thing. These days, online dating is a common mechanism of delivery for a soulmate. That is why the affianced Alex and Aggie of are the focus of this "keeper fish" series on how to be a success using Alex and Aggie tie the knot in June 2013 and personally, I think this pair should have their wedding sponsorsed by itself!

Soulmate expert and author Kathryn Alice writes about soulmates in her book "Love Will Find You". When I first discovered this book it was by accident in an independent bookstore in Berkeley, California. One of the first lessons I learned from Kathryn was the value of a mental equivalent. This is a concept from Kathryn's training in Science of Mind also referred to as Religious Science. The mental equivalent is an inner construct or template that is personal to an individual. How this affects relationships is that having a mental equivalent in one's inner world dictates how connections form in external experiences.

"A mental equivalent is a template. The mental equivalent that attracts a soulmate is a belief in one's self as attractive and worthy of love coupled with a faith that there is the right person earmarked for you. This template and its accompanying energy simply cannot be denied. Love MUST happen with the right mental equivalent" (Quote from Kathryn Alice)

Essentially, the mental equivalent is your own internal navigation or North Star or reference point that forms the basis of how a particular area of your life looks, in this case your primary partnership. Kathryn has said in her lectures that the person you know who always seems to effortlessly attract suitors is an example of someone with a strong mental equivalent for partnership that is fun and enjoyable. These are people who just know with absolute certainty that partnership and romance is there inevitable reality. Beyond mere confidence, the mental equivalent is almost an advanced form of how beliefs direct life experiences that reinforce said beliefs.

Not everyone has a mental equivalent for love and partnership. Does that mean that such people are destined to live solo? No. Kathryn recommends that they create the mental equivalent through learning from other people. The easiest way to create a mental equivalent, according to Kathryn, is to find a living model of the relationship that you want. In basic terms it requires that you find a real-life couple who have the love you want and through observation and being happy in the most genuine way for them for having their love, you develop a mental equivalent for yourself and your own primary relationship.

Six months after I discovered Kathyrn Alice's book and heard that piece of advice on creating my own mental equivalent, I met Alex and Aggie. Before them, I had been inspired for years by the genuine displays of mutual affection and respect that I saw occur between my favorite actor, Hugh Jackman, and his wife Deb. However, the celebrity couple can only go so far in helping someone develop a mental equivalent if they do not know them personally. In my personal opinion, to cultivate a solid mental equivalent that would work for you or I, requires having the privilege of getting to know a couple who has the kind of connection you want yourself. My apologies for sounding repetitive but I want to assert this point.

Since moving to San Francisco, that only real-life couple who has been that for me are Alex and Aggie who met on I met Alex first. From the start it was obvious how much he just adores Aggie. Alex often says that he looks forward to seeing her at the end of the day. He also talks with delight about growing old with Aggie with their kids and grandkids around them. I believe he once said that he will still be holding her hand and chasing her around the retirement home. So sweet. Alex says this like a typical guy and it's sincere rather than sappy.

When I met Aggie, seeing the two of them interact, was like watching a perfect fit. Think of the puzzle pieces that align perfectly to one another to form a picture. Such pieces click at every crevice. Another analogy is a key that unlocks a door. Alex treats Aggie like a Queen. She is his prize and he has no fear saying it to anyone. When Alex's best friends first met Aggie they practically told him he had to marry that girl. They clearly saw the same thing I did.

Fortunately, I get to hear Alex speak so well of Aggie every day when he updates me and others on their latest adventures as a couple. The way Hugh Jackman talks about his wife and interviews is similar to how Alex speaks of his Aggie. Of course he is very protective of her which is another wonderful thing to see. As an observer it reminds me of the saying, "love is patient and love is kind" in action. How did all this fortify my mental equivalent? Alex and Aggie reinforce by example that healthy loving partnership is real and very much possible and so much a good thing for both people involved. It's in the subtle and dramatic ways that Alex and Aggie demonstrate the respect to one another. They teach by their actions how fundamentally easy it is to have that kind of love. Whoever said love was hard work did not have the kind of mental equivalent that I am forming watching this duo. As I got to know both of them as a couple, even a jaded cynic like me has been converted. How did they do this? Three main ways: 1. I became a believer in partnership after having lukewarm beliefs about its value. 2. Having their example deleted the residual ambivalence in my psyche towards partnership. Now I see it as a happier state of being that brings a joy far greater than any fabulous solo lifestyle can 3. Alex and Aggie show how love can make you a better person and how safe and nurturing a partner can just be. Finally the most valuable aspect of knowing this couple is the cognitive association in my mind that a soulmate is nothing but supportive, safe, respectful, unconditionally loving and thoughtful.

Like I said before, in both subtle and dramatic ways, the mental equivalent derived from having these two in my life has become detailed and solid over the past 10 months. I've gone from just an intellectual concept to a visceral understanding that a partnership with a soulmate is not only a natural thing to expect but that it is a blessing in one's life. It's just a given to me now that a significant other would treat you like the best catch of their life. The key sign that the mental equivalent that has taken hold inside your psyche is this visceral knowing of how the partnership of your dreams makes you feel. I like to call it retraining your gut at its core. Always trust your gut but if you can't with certain areas of your life, it may be a hint to get a positive mental equivalent there. With respect to partnership, the mental equivalent that Alex and Aggie have helped me develop is having my gut instinct able to identify the behaviors to look for to evaluate whether someone is capable of forming a healthy long-term bond with another. I hope this makes sense. If not, keep reading the website and the remainder of this series on Alex and Aggie.

By the way, the idea for this series began when I sent Alex a link to a YouTube video for the song "Liebe Ist" by Nena and told him to send it to Aggie. My suggestion was impromptu and promted by his gushing over her. Talk about sharing the spark found on!

Lesson 4: Don't stop believing!