Losing control?

Losing control?

Since becoming a member of YourTango, I've had the opportunity to read and answer quite a few questions. It seems to me (and this is just my opinion, of course), that quite a few ladies ask questions where they seem to wait on a man's response or action. In other words, they give a man too much control.

Going back I don't know how many centuries, the general school of though has been that men should be the breadwinners, and that women should take care of the household. That's not realistic in today's society for so many reasons. A few reasons:
1) Today's economy doesn't allow for a single income to support the household effectively. Two incomes, and sometimes more, are the norm.
2) The increase of single parent (mostly mothers) households. When women are required to fill the shoes of both parents (for whatever reason), it's not expected for those single mothers to rely on a man's income, especially if the man isn't present. 

With the increase of women who are in charge of the household, I think that there is a fairly large number of women who actually want a man to be in charge. That's not necessarily a bad thing, and I don't say that to disparage any woman's accomplishments or achievements. I say this because I believe that even if a woman has to work to help support the household, she wants that man to be able to lead, and be in charge. There are women (some of whom I know personally) that make more than their man, and don't have a problem with the man being in charge of the household. These men have earned their trust and respect. The problem seems to stem from the choice in men that some women make. Every man isn't capable of, or even deserving of, handling that responsibility (and that's what it is. Don't let anyone tell you different).

I think that some women turn over the reins too quickly. Instead of allowing a man to prove that he's worthy of leading and the responsibility that goes with it, they fall way to fast. I can't give a set time limit on when (and if) that should happen, but I would say that there has to some elapsed amount of time where a woman has listened to his words, observed his actions, and had the chance to make a decision on whether or not he's consistent in what he says and what he does. I also believe that some women don't realize their own self worth. Instead of allowing a man to prove why he should be allowed in to their lives, they go about doing things as though that man was theirs already. What's wrong with making him work for your love and affection? Understand this: if you're giving it to him already, then there's nothing that he has to work for. Also, if you're worried about him leaving, then he's not worth your time, anyway. A man who really wants a woman in his life will do whatever he can to get her and keep her.

Too many women relinquish control (financially, emotionally, mentally, even physically) too soon and then, when things go wrong, want to take it back. Good luck with that! That's why women should be very selective about who they give control to. Not every man is capable of leading, and not every man is financailly responsible to the point where you can turn over bill payment responsibilities to him. That's why it is so crucial to find out where he's coming from.

Now, some may say that it's not supposed to about control. That may well be true, but that's what it ends up becoming, unfortunately. Think of what you bring to the table. You have value. You should have self esteem and self worth. Don't let anyone take that from you, or make you lose that. If a man can't respect you for who you are, and what you are about, then he's not worth your time.