Kids Who Have A Hard Time In School Often Share These 11 Enviable Traits As Adults
Depiction Images | Shutterstock Oftentimes, we harbor a misguided view of people who struggled in school or got bad grades despite their tendency to grow into successful lives, healthy connections, and communities that most people desperately yearn for in adulthood. As it turns out, straight As, excelling in extracurriculars, and good test scores aren't everything, especially in defining a person's worth.
Kids who have a hard time in school often share certain enviable traits as adults. Their uniqueness, ambition, and courage in tending toward the unconventional are superpowers that follow them into adulthood. Across industries and walks of life, many people weren't the best students, but came out successful, all without maintaining good grades or getting academic validation as a kid.
Kids who have a hard time in school often share these 11 enviable traits as adults
1. They’re complex and unconventional thinkers
GaudiLab | Shutterstock
With education systems and rigid institutions that often reward conventionally intelligent “rule-followers” with excellent grades and praise, it’s not surprising that innately curious and unconventional thinkers struggled to excel as young kids. Perhaps they didn't listen when their teachers spoke or found it more stimulating to do things that didn't help them "fit in" with their peers.
It’s this same struggle that’s evolved into enviable traits for many adults who had a hard time in school — their curiosity, fearless interests, and complex thinking about the world, relationships, and growth truly set them apart from everyone else. They have a unique perception of the world and craft goals, find motivation, and cultivate success in ways that best suit them rather than the people around them.
2. They’re resilient
Cast Of Thousands | Shutterstock
Whether it's overcoming stressful life events and situations or dealing with the reality of not quite fitting in, kids who have a hard time in school often share the enviable trait of resilience as adults. Anxiety-provoking situations can oftentimes cultivate anxiety disorders and mental health concerns, as a study published in Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience argued. However, their resilience is hard to ignore.
Having navigated their way through school, often without the validation of teachers or recognition of excellent grades, they were forced to pave their path to self-assurance, confidence, and success in adulthood. They now prioritize unconventional and creative means for success, which is something many other people are envious of.
3. They’re fulfilled by unique hobbies
AS photo family | Shutterstock
According to life coach Keya Murthy, many adults with unique and fulfilling hobbies live by choice and prioritize using their free time as “vitamins” for their mind, body, and spirit. The child who was unfulfilled by success metrics growing up now finds ways to spark their creativity and curiosity in self-assuring ways.
Whether it's learning to DJ, making jewelry, or tracking wildlife patterns, their unique hobbies make them happy and set them apart from everyone else. Especially if they’re unfulfilled in their careers or struggling to meet societal standards for adulthood, they’re not shy in using their unique practices to find joy and peace.
4. They have a ‘big picture’ perspective
bbernard | Shutterstock
As life coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger explained, many adults who struggle with self-esteem and anxiety are stuck in a “quantitative mindset” that measures happiness and success by the number of achievements rather than quality. However, adults who had a hard time in school as kids tend to harness “big picture” thinking as grown-ups.
Without the transactional nature of academic achievement to cultivate this toxic mindset at a young age, many of these once-struggling students find balance by prioritizing quality interactions, experiences, and practices. This big picture mindset allows them to plan for the future and set realistic goals, and gives them a unique opportunity to practice intentional gratitude in their daily lives.
5. They’re focused on passion, rather than validation
RasaSopittakamol | Shutterstock
In the chaos of daily life, work responsibilities, and family life, many adults struggle to learn their passions and prioritize activities that genuinely bring them joy. However, by focusing on their passions instead of feeling validated from others, it's a means for them to feel fulfilled without the in-school achievements of their peers. In fact, kids who have a hard time in school often share these enviable traits as adults.
As life coach Janelle Anderson preached, passions aren’t easily presented to you — they’re not something you find but rather something that erupts from you. These unique adults have spent their childhoods crafting spaces to thrive and find joy, allowing them to learn about their passions early in life.
6. They’re unfazed by competition
GaudiLab | Shutterstock
According to research published in Academy of Management Annals, power hierarchies that influence our definitions of success, like the ones used to enforce schools and education curricula, are largely influenced by the human psyche. People who stray from the conventional norms of school success and academic validation also stray away from the power dynamics associated with these structures.
They reject this narrow version of success and focusing on competition with others, and are more self-aware about their metrics and expectations for success. They don't see others as competiton; rather, they live their life for themselves, not what they accomplish in relation to others.
7. They’re empathetic and open-minded
Photo Book Pro | Shutterstock
Perhaps one of the most enviable traits of individuals who had a hard time in school growing up is their tendency to be empathetic and open-minded. Because they weren’t defined by academic validation or the power-driven hierarchies that many schools are regulated by growing up, they can see the uniqueness and personal strengths in others as adults.
Even if they aren’t wealthy or high-status, they’re worthy of attention, connection, and respect, which helps to cultivate healthier and more fulfilling relationships for these people. And because empathy is essential in cultivating our relationships and other social experiences, it's no wonder people like this feel successful in their own way.
8. They have great communities and healthy relationships
View Apart | Shutterstock
Even if they’re online communities or are parasocial connections, like the ones that Northwestern professor Rich Gordon’s “Community-Connection Experience” study argues are incredibly influential socially, one of the most enviable traits of adults who had a hard time in school as kids is their tendency towards cultivating great relationships.
Driven by connection over shared experiences, unique interests, and genuine interactions unplagued by toxic power dynamics, these adults harness equally fulfilling and impactful connections with others. And it's all because they made it a point to find spaces where they actually felt accepted and fit in.
9. They’re persistent self-advocates
bbernard | Shutterstock
While there are exceptions with dedicated teachers and thoughtful school staff, many students who struggled academically were hardly celebrated within the context of the classroom. Instead, they learned to “sell themselves” and sometimes even crafted skills, talents, or hobbies that helped them add value to school environments like sports teams, clubs, or classroom discussions.
For some, this might have been humor; for others, it might have been a unique creative outlet or talent. Regardless of what it looked like, these students could advocate for their worth, even within an environment with rigid expectations for success.
10. They’re imaginative
View Apart | Shutterstock
Kids who have a hard time in school often are incredibly imaginative, finding extreme joy in this creativity, not only for our culture, art, and society. Their brains have a tendency to think outside the box and come up with unconventional solutions. This speaks to their high level of intelligence that can't be defined simply by "book smarts."
From some of our best films and novels to impactful passing conversations and technological advancements that only the most eccentric minds could understand, these adults are imaginative — not only by choice but also by necessity. And it paid off for them as adults.
11. They’re relatable and humble
baranq | Shutterstock
Humility gratifies every aspect of our lives, from grappling with grief to making new connections to taking responsibility for our mistakes and shortcomings. Adults who struggled through school might not have been academically praised, but they found ways to humbly make new friends and grow into their unique identities and perspectives.
With this kind of self-assured confidence, they’re equally welcoming to others and relatable to people who have experienced similar struggles. They're able to help others feel included and seen, something they were likely denied growing up.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
