5 Reasons You Are Not Finding A Match On The Internet


Having your desires and dating profile aligned is key. Follow these rules to get what you want.

Internet dating is a multi-billion dollar industry, for good reason. People are able to find dates with interests similar to their own. You can peruse your matches in the comfort of your home. E-mails can be sent to prospective dates while sitting in your pjs drinking your morning coffee. After a phone call or two you can easily discern if you want to set up a date or move onto the next profile. Many are successful at finding matches, relationships and marriages on the web. If you are not having great results, you are probably making some very common mistakes.

Before you re-vamp or write a profile for a dating site think about what you are looking for long term. If you want to start slow after a break-up or divorce, you may only want coffee dates. Coffee dates offer a quick and simple way to discern if there is chemistry and enough commonality to move to a dinner date. If you have been single a long time, dinner dates have a more intimate tone and can move things along faster.

Setting Up Your Internet Dating Profile:

1. Say What You Mean To Say

From a woman's perspective, we want men to like us, so we write our profile to be pleasing to the vast majority. However, if you want a serious relationship and are looking for a long-term partner, say so. Don't be afraid to narrow the playing field. There are many who are looking for the same thing as you. If your profile states "looking for a casual date, or to hang out" you will be disapointed. Being honest about yourself sets the tone for your relationship. If you are only looking for a bed-buddy be honest about that also. Honesty is the foundation for trust and trust is the key to a solid relationship.

2. Use A Recent Photo

People today are Internet savy. If you show up for your date bald and your profile photo shows you with a full head of hair your date will wonder what else you are lying about. Use a recent photo of you. The rule of thumb is three months or newer. This is your profile, you don't have to include photos of your children to show that you are a wonderful father or mother. Using a high school photo to show how great looking you used to be is not authentic. Use a photo that has been unaltered.  Photo shopping can shave years off our faces and make us look like models. Using a photo-shopped photo could cause disapointment when you arrive that you look older than your photo.

Your photo says a lot about you. Make sure it a head-shot from the shoulders up and you are not wearing a hat or sunglasses. Get a friend or family member to take several photos of you from the shoulders up some indoors and out. All photos on your profile need to be of you, by yourself. Posting group photos can be confusing and you might find your date is disapointed if your friend is more their type. Men over 50 usually have better photos of their motorcycles on their profiles than of them.

I recommend that my clients not date someone who hides their face, even with a baseball cap as this indicates there are other things they are concealing as well.

3. Take Time Completing Your Profile

Setting up your profile takes time. Don't rush through this very important process. If you want great results, focus your time and attention on completing all parts of your profile, honestly. If there are survey questions that will help with your selection process, complete them as well. Take your time to write about you. Be descriptive. Finding Mr. Right, or Ms. Right is important, you could spend the next 15 or 20 years with this person. Give your profile the time and attention it deserves. Most people read profiles before they make a selection. Write from your heart. Make what you say give your prospective date have a glimpse of your soul.

4. First Impressions Are Important

Your initial presentation is important. Put your best foot forward. Wear clean fresh smelling clothes. What you wear is making a statement about who you are. Women need to pay attention to how sexy they dress. There is a delicate balance between appearing unapproachable and too slutty. I have had men complain to me that women show up for a first date wearing very provocative clothing and then are angry when their man puts the moves on them to try to get them into bed. Remember this is the first time you will meet your date, if you want a second, act like you care. Women should take some time to get ready, wear earrings, light make-up. Most men prefer less make-up rather than more. Be freshly showered and go easy with fragrance. Many people are sensitive to perfumes.

5. Buyer Beware

Everything that you put on the Internet is accessable. If you have a FaceBook or Google profile know that your photos can be viewed. If you have photos of you with a glass or beer in hand in every photo, people will come to their own conclusions about who you are. If you say you are a casual drinker, that means you drink occasionally. Respond to the questions honestly.  If you say you are a non-smoker, make sure you're not puffing on Havanas every night out with the boys. Like attracts like. If you are lying on your profile, you can be sure you will attract someone who is lying about themselves as well.


Jennifer ELizabeth Masters is a relationship and dating coach