12 Behaviors That Indicate Someone Is Too Emotionally Damaged To Love Anyone Else
Luckily, there's a way forward.
Selenit / Shutterstock An emotionally damaged person has a hard time being in love because they do not, cannot, or will not behave the correct way with their partners or understand what good relationships look like.
They may be able to feel love, but somehow, they end up by themselves or in unhealthy relationships. They tend to flee from commitment, have low self-esteem, and have problems they must work out before they can be in a healthy relationship. Still, others may simply have exceptionally toxic beliefs about love and dating.
Here are 12 behaviors that indicate someone is too emotionally damaged to love anyone else
1. They become angry when others are happy
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Whether it's hearing a love song on the radio or seeing a cute couple holding hands, it's enough to make them angry or upset, and that's not a healthy place to be.
It just shows how much negative energy and hurt a person is carrying with them. And, unfortunately, being that hurt means they need to get better before they can handle being loving to anyone else.
2. They have unrealistically high standards for themselves
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The standards they have are nowhere near what they have to offer. While it's great not to want to settle when it comes to important things like goals, career, and character, the dating world, especially, is incredibly shallow and entitled.
If someone has standards for a model-esque person with a six-figure salary, and they’re financially unstable, have deep-seated issues, and don’t look like Claudia Schiffer, they may have a toxic belief setting them back.
3. They have a sense of entitlement
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When they've tried to find love, maybe even connecting with a few people along the way, they can't seem to hush a nagging feeling in the back of their minds. They've complained that “everyone always just wants mean guys” or lashed out at someone because they didn’t want to date them after they became friends.
But the truth is that this is a sign of both entitlement and a lack of social awareness. Attraction cannot be negotiated. Trying to force someone to like you will not work, and often borders on abusive.
They might have actually gotten this belief from toxic rom-com movies, so if they’ve been feeling victimized by rejection or "the friend zone," they may want to consider therapy as an option.
4. They're a people pleaser
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They choose the people they date based on who others would want to see them with, rather than what they know they’d be happy with.
That's not a good way to find a lasting connection with someone. At the end of the day, it proves that they aren’t secure in themselves and are more worried about pleasing others outside of the relationship than they are about the quality of their relationship.
No relationship that comes from this is a good one. They should take a step back and talk to a professional about why they’re living for others’ approval.
5. They hurt those they care about
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Whether it's been physical violence, emotional berating, or mental techniques like stonewalling, their behavior is often abusive. And committing acts of abuse is a key sign of emotional damage, which indicates they definitely shouldn't be in a relationship.
If their exes have regularly said that they’re abusive or if they make a point to stay far away from them, it’s safe to say that they need to look inward and fix what causes them to hurt those who care about them, and vice versa.
6. They view romantic interests as the enemy
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They don’t really see your potential partners as people, meaning they don’t see them as individuals with their own feelings, needs, lives, and dreams. A lot of people who are seriously emotionally damaged view the opposite gender as the enemy or props.
They should ask themselves if they see the people they date as NPCs (non-playable characters) in their life, and maybe it will be time to actually rethink the way they approach dating. This is why dating a damaged person can make you feel mentally exhausted, emotionally drained, and leave you in a state of despair.
7. Their behavior is unacceptable
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People have told them that the way they're behaving is unacceptable and unreasonable, or that they need to get help. If they've heard this from a toxic ex, it may be gaslighting. However, if they hear it from multiple people, including exes, friends, family members, and even strangers on the internet, they might actually have a problem that they’re not willing to admit to.
Once again, therapy and introspection do wonders and can help heal the wounds holding them back.
8. They let their family rule their life
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There’s nothing wrong with being close to your family. After all, they are our first friends in life. But there's something wrong when someone lets their family tear apart any relationships they have. There’s also something absolutely wrong if they find their parents smothering any way for them to grow as a person, live their own life, or even choose who to date.
If their parents make all the rules for dating and refuse to let them manage their own relationship, that’s a problem. If they allow this to happen, it’s time to get help.
9. They find that people tend to avoid them
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Many people have been there, and it’s not a fun place to be. But it's also not fun to realize that, generally speaking, there’s a typical reason why people avoid you.
Not only is their negativity off-putting, but the way they carry themselves and behave is more than enough reason for other people not to want to be around them. It may be difficult to hear, but this is often a result of being emotionally damaged.
Someone experiencing this may want to take a look at their social skills to see what the problem is. Thankfully, you’re never too old to learn how to deal with people a little better, and this is way easier to fix than other symptoms of emotional damage.
10. They feel a need to punish people for the wrongs of others
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They probably know that this is the wrong way to go about things, but they still do so. They probably also know that they’re going to feel way worse in the long run, because, eventually, they’ll have to answer to the people you hurt.
Hurt people hurt people, but if you live by the sword, you’ll die by it, too. If someone finds this happening, they should talk to a professional and avoid the dating scene for a while until they get to the root of the problem. It’s not fair to themselves, nor is it fair to the people who date them.
11. They have commitment and/or abandonment issues
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They certainly can’t have a relationship like that, where the fear brought on by their emotional damage prevents them from trusting their partner fully.
If they're already in a relationship, they should take a step back and think about how their actions are affecting the person they're with. And if they're actively dating, they should get help and work out their own issues before they even consider being with another person.
12. They don't hold themselves accountable
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People regularly say that they refuse to hold themselves accountable for their own problems, and, to a point, they know it’s true.
Accountability and character are huge when it comes to having a relationship that works. If someone can’t admit fault, they’ll end up blaming their partner for anything bad that happens. That is pretty insufferable behavior. If they want their next relationship to last, they should start owning up to their mistakes and working to make things better.
The good news is that they can work on themselves and actually become a better person, especially if they find themselves unable to be in a healthy relationship. Ultimately, it's always a good idea to consider seeking professional help.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.
