11 Things Deeply-In-Love Couples Do Differently That Help Them Grow Stronger During Hard Times
Doing life together means facing struggles as a united front.
mavo | shutterstock When life gets chaotic, relationships of take the first hit. Misunderstandings increase, patience wears thin, and emotional distance grows. The good news? Difficult times can also bring couples closer together.
Men and women often deal with stress very differently, and those differences can either lead to friction or deepen connection, depending on how they’re handled. Many of our struggles come from expecting our partners to think, feel, and respond like we do. Once we understand and respect those differences, it becomes easier to support each other.
11 things deeply in love couples do to grow stronger during hard times
1. They understand their partner's stress responses
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Men often cope by withdrawing while women tend to seek connection and verbal reassurance. Neither reaction is wrong. The first step in building resilience as a couple is to recognize that your partner’s way of coping might look very different from yours.
Accepting this difference is key to surviving hard times together. Practicing acceptance in areas of your relationship that feel challenging can help you find inner peace outside of relationships, too! This skill has been shown in research to benefit people in many areas where negative or uncomfortable thoughts cause anxiety or stress.
2. They don't try to 'fix' the other perrson
If your partner is upset, resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Women often feel better just by talking and being heard. Men tend to feel more grounded when they’re given space to regroup.
Listen first. Fix later, if at all.
3. They can take breaks without disconnecting
One person may need space, while the other wants to talk it out immediately. Meet in the middle.
Try saying, “I need a little time, but I care about this and want to come back to it soon.” That kind of language keeps the door open.
If that still feels like abandonment to one person, set a time to come back and talk and remind your partner that you love them even though things feel tense.
4. They read each other's body language
When you talk is just as important as what you say. If one person dives into a deep conversation while the other is still in “shut down” mode, it rarely goes well. If emotions are running high, take a pause, and come back when you’re both more open.
Saying something at the right moment can make the difference between connection and conflict.
You can actively work to learn more about your partner's body language, but you can also ask them simple questions using "I" language. For instance, "I noticed that your arms are crossed and I feel like that usually means you're angry. Is that correct? If so, we can talk later."
5. They use a 'soft start' during conflict
Starting a tough conversation with warmth rather than blame. Use more “I” and less “You.” “You never listen” puts someone on defense.
For example, saying, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and could use some help” invites collaboration rather than conflict.
6. They show appreciation for what works
Stress can make us hyper-focus on what’s going wrong. Couples who express appreciation regularly tend to hold up better in hard times. Look for small wins. Say thank you. Appreciate the effort, even if imperfect.
According to research, showing appreciation is an effective strategy overall in relationship, not just during hard times.
7. They're teammates, not adversaries
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When things get tense, it’s tempting to point fingers. The more helpful stance is to remember that you’re both dealing with the same stress, just in different ways.
Support each other. You’re not fighting each other. You’re fighting the problem together.
8. They connect with a purpose
Not every conversation has to be about solving problems. Watch a show together, get some ice cream, take a walk, or laugh at a silly video. These small moments help rebuild a sense of closeness when everything else feels heavy.
9. They stay physically connected
During high-stress periods, intimacy often fades, but a smile, a hug, or sitting close on the couch can say more than words. Research has shown that couples with the highest rates of overall relationship satisfaction engaged in more affectionate touch throughout their days!
Affection doesn’t always have to lead to sex. It’s about reassurance and presence.
10. They don't try to read minds
Be direct about what you feel or need and ask them the same. A simple “What would help right now?” or “How can I support you right now?” creates clarity and connection and removes the pressure to read minds and shows that you want to get it right.
As effective as social skills can be, like reading someone's body language or "reading the room" or situation, it's better to ask rather than assume, especially when tensions run high. When you have a need, it's best to express it clearly, too.
11. They don't expect their partner to react the same way they do
During stress, it’s easy to start comparing behaviors. “I never would have handled it that way, I never would have said that, I never would have done that,” but your partner isn’t you. Their way isn’t wrong, it’s just different. Respecting that difference helps both of you feel understood and supported.
We're not wrong for handling stress differently, but we do have to learn how to meet each other halfway. Strengthening your bond during turbulence doesn’t mean solving every problem. It means choosing connection over correction. Start small. Maybe listen without interruption. Maybe give space without taking it personally. It doesn’t need to be perfect. Just kind.
Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW, is a therapist and the Director at Mars & Venus Counseling Center in Bergen County and Morris County, New Jersey.
