Why The 'Love Yourself First' Myth Doesn't Work

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Why The Love Yourself First Myth Doesn't Work
Love, Self

Is it important to love yourself? Yes. Can we do it alone? No.

One of the greatest myths of our time is the "Love Yourself First" myth. This, along with perfection, kept me single for a long time.

The advantage of working on loving yourself first is that you don't have to deal with anyone else. The disadvantage is that we don't love alone; we have to be reflected.

Don't get me wrong. If I had the time, I'd love to spend a few more years working on loving myself first; I'm just not willing to be alone that long.

Babies don't come into the world saying "Great, I'm here, let's start working on loving myself." Their self-love comes as natural to them as breathing.


The confirmation comes by being reflected by others. If you weren't reflected by people who love themselves you may doubt your natural right to be, think, feel and share your way (for more on this, read A Life Of Love).

We don't learn to love; it's contagious. We catch it by being around loving people.

There was a time when I thought I would never be completely ready to be with my wife. I had no idea what I needed until I got in the game.

When people say to me "James I'm not dating right now. I'm working on loving myself," I say, "That's great. There's a time and place for everything and as soon as you can, start dating. If you want a relationship, you need practice."

You learn what you need to know by the anxiety of doing it and then getting coaching to help you walk through it. You don't have to do it alone.

What does it really take to be in a relationship? It takes risk.

We take a risk on people. Start small with baby steps. See if they can make and keep their agreements. The only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the agreements you're willing to make and keep.


Men can commit to these 7 agreements, which are the foundations of every relationship, and they make or break your relationship.

Confidence and self-love come from doing. The way out of any negative feeling is a positive decision followed by action or inaction as soon as possible.

Is it important to love yourself? Yes. Can we do it alone? No.

In my experience, love wants you as much as you want it. You're as ready as you need to be for the right person for right now. You are perfect just the way you are.

We are always a work in progress. You are always with the right person, at the right time, bringing you the right lesson.

James Allen Hanrahan is a dating relationship coach in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula.

This article was originally published at jamesallenhanrahan.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.