Bitter? The Best Way To Find Love After Divorce

Love, Heartbreak

How to get over your bitterness and go about finding love without making mistakes.

While sitting in a coffee shop across from a dating coach and colleague of mine, he shared a common issue that his recently divorced clients face. The conversation went like this;  "My clients seem to face is deep rooted skepticism and bitterness especially those who have been recently rejected, dumped, cheated and abandoned by a spouse or significant other. They reach a point where they are either burned out or they have completely lost faith that they can ever find the right man or woman and be happy. How can people overcome this negativity and skepticism and cultivate a positive outlook and be hopeful?"

Me: My feeling is, if you want to find love in a healthier and happier manner, you must be what you want to attract. Be the change that you seek. I know it's easier said than done especially when you feel skepticism about people who disappoint you. Let it be known, you are not alone in feeling this way. As you navigate the healing process we are often left with unanswered questions, the why’s, the how come’s, the what did I do or say? Don't beat yourself up or get caught up in the downward spiral of negativity, this just adds fuel to the event. We are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit and perhaps you may have crossed an ocean for someone who would barely cross the street for you, forgive yourself for allowing that to happen in the first place. Forgiving ourselves is a primary act of self-love, start there.

I am here to tell you, that you are ENOUGH! And a man/woman certainly does not define you. However, when things don’t work out with someone whether it’s to do with love or any other kind of relationship it usually represents a lack of an agreement(s). Most of us who are not clearly communicating and forming agreements with each other, where both are on the same page, both will have different expectations. Expectations often lead to disappointment. So think about those love relationships and put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a minute, do you recall a conversation about exclusivity with each other, or the word commitment or loyalty? Now, whether he or she shared these words with you or not, what did their actions portray? If a person does not follow his/her words with actions to show you who they are and their intentions toward you, than there is a lack of integrity or incongruous occurring. This may not have to do with you at all, in other words, if a person cannot be honest with themselves, how can they be honest with you?

So let’s go a step deeper, what is it about yourself that you are not being honest about? The more you become honest about yourself the more you will recognize and attract a healthy person who also loves them self. Until you are honest about feelings about YOU, you will continue to mirror yourself in another and repeat toxic feel good patterns.

To become happier and healthier start loving yourself more and stop seeking confirmation from external entities. Happiness is an inside job, take some time out for you and enjoy your life and do what you love to do. In most cases, you will meet the right person who loves to do similar things that you do! Be kind to yourself and choose someone who is kind to you, by doing so you must be BELIEVE you deserve happiness, you deserve love and you can start to receive this in return. But you must be open to receive. Start with a new mantra, I believe and I receive mantra ” I believe I am good and I am open to receive all that is good.” A mantra supplies positive energy all day long. The more you think and utilize your new mantra the sooner your life will change because all that occurs is how you respond to it. Change your response, change your attitude about it and recognize there is something far better awaiting for you.

In hindsight, when I look back on my own breakups I recognize that it is ok to feel sad, disappointed, anger, we must embrace our feelings in order to process what happiness means for you. To feel your feelings and know that all feelings are fleeting. The " this too shall pass," applies. Ponder, contemplate, express those feelings in a healthy manner, as this leads you one step closer to a happier you!