7 Signs You're Not As In Love With Someone As You Think
There's one emotion that's easy to mistake for love, but can lead you down some messy paths.
Thirdman | Canva Here’s a common scenario: You meet someone new, and one look is all it takes to light the fireworks. You can barely keep your hands off each other — and the excitement of it all feels like falling in love. But is it really? Or are sparks masquerade as something more?
It’s easy to mistake the explosive chemistry of physical attraction for long-term romantic potential. But if you’re willing to honestly assess your actions and feelings, it’s also not hard to recognize the truth.
Seven signs you're not as in love with someone as you think
1. Your attraction is more physical than emotional
What was the first thing about your partner to catch your attention? Was it their sense of humor or an act of kindness you observed? Or was it their fashion-magazine appearance and manner?
There’s nothing wrong with looking good, or with appreciating that trait in someone else. And there's nothing wrong with instant physical attraction! But if that’s not accompanied by a deeper reason for attraction, you may be headed for disappointment.
This is supported by research, as summarized in a report in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, falling in love at first sight can happen, it must eventually become something deeper. The author writes, "the positive initial impact can become replaced with familiarity and predictability of the partner, which can lead to a potentially long-term attraction."
So be compassionate with yourself if you are feeling a strong attraction based on sparks and don't judge yourself harshly — you may be on to something. But be equally aware that something deeper may never come.
2. You say ‘yes’ to hooking up so they'll stick around
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When you’ve just started dating someone new, there may come a moment when it’s clear they expect a more physical relationship — and that their interest may wane if you don’t agree. Saying yes can be an easy way to avoid asking the question: Why do you feel their interest might sag?
If you truly worry they'll lose interest, something inside of you already knows the answer.
3. You are lovers, but not really friends
The chemistry is really good, maybe even great. But what else do you have in common?
What would you talk about if one of you were physically incapacitated after an accident? Do you know personal details about them that their most casual friends don’t also know? If you have trouble answering questions like these, chances are chemistry is standing in for a deeper connection.
4. Your time together is all spent in bed (or getting there)
Do you go out together to public places where the idea is to have fun or get to know each other better? Or do you mostly “hang out” at home where hooking up is instantly available?
5. When the hookup is done, you want to leave
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Lust alone is often all it takes to draw lovers together. But when the "fun stuff" is done, lust by itself can produce the reverse reaction — like magnets that cling together until you flip them to opposing poles.
If either of you can’t stick around to cuddle or spend the rest of the evening together, then the potential for real love is probably small.
6. You hook up but still feel unsatisfied
Researchers have recognized that the biochemistry of physical intimacy — through the release of hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin — is meant to engender feelings of well-being and bonding with your partner. But that can’t overcome your own intuition about the relationship’s true potential.
Beware if you feel empty after hooking up with this person, rather than fulfilled. This is a big red flag that you don't love him at all.
7. You resist introducing your partner to friends and family
Is this person someone you can’t wait to show off? Or do you intuitively suspect that the people who know and love you best will see the truth you are trying hard to deny?
If you’re tempted to keep the relationship a “secret,” chances are it has little lasting potential.
Jeannie Assimos has experience in television, film, public relations, and writing From working at Entertainment Tonight and eHarmony.
