11 Distinct Traits Of Couples Who Actually Make It Through All The Hard Times
How you navigate rough patches can define your relationship.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock While many people may misguidedly associate frequent disagreements with poor relationship health, the truth is that it's the way people handle conflict that serves as the biggest determinant for their connection's well-being — not how many times a week they're getting in a fight. According to a study from the University of Georgia, couples who have better, more positive conflict-resolution skills are not only better connected with each other, they boast better personal health as well.
So, alongside being communicative, affectionate, or self-aware, many of the distinct traits of couples who actually make it through all the hard times assist them in having healthy arguments. They get through tough times because they're always on the same side — supporting and loving each other — even when they don't agree or have differing opinions.
Here are 11 distinct traits of couples who actually make it through all the hard times
1. They enjoy alone time
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock
Having a personal identity, rich with unique hobbies and interests, is one of the distinct traits of couples who actually make it through all the hard times. Like psychology expert Steve Taylor suggests, having a kind of self-assuredness and self-sufficiency ensures that a partner won't be vulnerable to disrespect or even adopt unhealthy behaviors to cope with insecurity and codependency themselves.
When couples have the ability to spend time alone without each other in their relationship, they give themselves the grace to regulate their emotions, invest time into other connections, and show up for themselves with passions and hobbies — all of which help them show up as their best selves for their partner.
2. They're fully committed
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock
Being committed to a relationship, otherwise known as being intentional in maintaining it over time, is one of the distinct traits of couples who actually make it through all the hard times.
They can express their honest emotions, have hard conversations, and even navigate conflict in a vulnerable way, because they're not worried about pushing their partner away or trying to protect their relationship from an inevitable end.
Their independence is obviously an important personal trait that bolsters their relationship, but it's also this "we-ness," that a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology explains, that enhances commitment, loyalty, and satisfaction in a relationship in the long-term.
3. They're healthily empathetic
Evgeny Atamanenko | Shutterstock
According to social policy analyst Elizabeth Segal, empathy isn't just internally gratifying and self-assuring, it also has the power to bolster social interactions, awareness, and personal relationship well-being. When you're considerate and supportive of others, they perceive you in a more positive light, especially in a relationship founded on these feelings of mutual understanding and respect.
When a couple is capable of empathy and leading with kind behaviors, they ensure each partner feels supported and loved in a relationship. However, when they lack empathy, like a study from the Family Journal suggests, everything falls apart — from communication avenues, to healthy conflict resolution, and even personal well-being.
4. They're confident and secure
Andrii Nekrasov | Shutterstock
According to a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, partners with low self-esteem seem to attract and seek out similarly uncertain people and even sabotage their relationship wellness by struggling with support.
They not only engage in behaviors — like attention-seeking or people-pleasing — that attract people capable of taking advantage of them and weaponizing their insecurities, they struggle to be a great partner capable of affection and support without reservations.
A confident and secure partner doesn't overthink the little things. They instead lean into the vulnerability of conflict, affection, and love without insecurity or self-criticism, allowing them to make it through the hard times as a couple more easily.
5. They're adaptable
Andrii Nekrasov | Shutterstock
According to a study published by Frontiers in Psychology, adaptable partners tend to lead more fulfilling, happy, and healthy lives — from personal well-being to relationships — than their stagnant counterparts who are afraid of change.
Rather than comparing the state of their relationship with others, adopting rigid expectations for their partner, or struggling with the natural changes time has on an intimate connection, a truly adaptable person embraces the uncertainty of their relationship. They are present enough to understand that comparing their connection doesn't help anyone, and when it comes to expectations, they craft them with their partner in the moment.
Adaptability and self-assuredness are some of the distinct traits of couples who actually make it through all the hard times, because they don't pigeon-hole themselves into a relationship dynamic, expectations, or standard that just doesn't work for them.
6. They trust themselves
Art_Photo | Shutterstock
People who trust themselves, listening to their gut feelings and following their intuition, are more likely to develop strong relationships than others. They not only field out people early who don't match their vibe or align with their values, they know how to navigate conflict while also supporting their partner. They can sense energy shifts in their partner and use internal trust to feel secure themselves.
According to a study published in Psychological Science, it's this arrangement of internal trust, logical thinking, and pure intuition that can bolster a person's physical and emotional health. They're self-aware enough to look out for themselves, while also investing in their relationship with a present attitude.
7. They're forgiving
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
A study from BMC Psychology found that people are more willing to forgive others and themselves boast higher levels of happiness, physical health, and relationship well-being. Regardless of whether or not a partner recognizes that it's there, resentment sparked from holding grudges and avoiding true conflict resolution can negatively impact everyone in a relationship.
When couples are forgiving, they get to the bottom of their conflict, giving each other grace to truly express their emotions and communicate without anxiety.
8. They prioritize the little things
Zamrznuti tonovi | Shutterstock
Even during rough patches and tough times, the healthiest partners know how to focus on the little things. Whether it's the things they can control, like doing chores and sticking to a schedule, that give them a sense of stability or small acts of kindness that make the other feel important, they know how to express their love and affection.
Like a study from the Harvard School of Public Health argues, it's people who express gratitude and focus on the little things that not only cultivate more fulfilling relationships, but also boast a more balanced and stable mental health.
9. They're self-aware
DavideAngelini | Shutterstock
According to a study from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, partners who boast a higher self-awareness also promote more transparency — building trust and better avenues of communication with their partners. When they're in heated arguments or conflicts, they have the chance to recognize complex emotions and take steps to regulate their emotions.
They also tend to navigate tough times better because they have a strong foundation of trust with their partner, so nothing they say, do, or act on jeopardizes the health of their relationship.
10. They're patient
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
Even amid chaotic arguments and stressful life stages, the healthiest couples boast a sense of patience with each other that not only allows the other to feel heard, but genuinely supported.
It's one of the distinct traits of couples who actually make it through all the hard times, because it allows them to sit with complex emotions, take space when they need it, and give grace to their partners when they're struggling. They don't rely on games like "playing hard to get" or weaponizing the silent treatment to get what they want; instead, they use patient and honest communication to show up for their partner.
11. They have a team mentality
AJR_Photo | Shutterstock
According to relationship expert Barton Goldsmith, it's nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship if you're playing on different teams. Whether it's navigating conflict, having a petty argument, or even discussing future plans, if you're only thinking about yourself and your interests, your partner will feel unheard and unsupported.
Having a team mentality is one of the distinct traits of couples who actually make it through all the hard times, because regardless of what happens, they know they'll have each other at the end of the day.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
