10 Phrases Men Who Feel Threatened By Women Use To Make Themselves Feel More Powerful
Insecure men often lack genuine power, so they use these phrases to feel like they have the upper hand.
Arthur Bargan / Shutterstock Men who are threatened or intimidated by women do certain things to try and take their perceived power back. They take actions and say things that they hope will diminish a woman and knock her down a peg. The phrases they say to make her feel smaller might feel like power moves to them, but in reality, they are defense mechanisms to protect a fragile sense of self.
These phrases aren't just annoying. They are big red flags, signals that a man might be insecure and want to shrink you to make himself feel bigger. When a man resorts to saying these things, it often reveals more about his low self-esteem than it does about the woman he is addressing. It's up to women to recognize these phrases for what they are, verbal weapons used to guard fragile egos.
Here are 10 phrases men who feel threatened by women use to make themselves feel more powerful
1. 'You're overreacting'
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When a man tells a woman she is overreacting, it immediately invalidates her emotions and shifts the focus away from the actions that triggered her response. This is a form of early reactive abuse that might escalate. A person does things that trigger a certain response, then blames the victim for their reaction, thereby avoiding culpability. Not only does it make her responsible for the entire situation, but it also prevents her from "overreacting" in the future.
Your emotional response to their behavior makes them uncomfortable, so they downplay the situation to feel superior and make you feel stupid for making a big deal. Men who feel threatened use this method to regain control in circumstances where they believe a woman's opinions and boundaries are too strong.
2. 'Calm down'
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Telling someone to calm down while they are in the midst of making a passionate point should be a crime. It rarely de-escalates the situation and ignites more frustration. Nothing is more insulting than pouring out your heart to someone and believing that they are listening, only for them to interrupt and tell you to calm down. Psychologically, this is a projection of his internal anxiety over the loss of dominance.
This might seem like nothing major to you, but it is actually a subtle power play that is intended to make you seem irrational and out of emotional control. It makes him feel like a composed authority and calls your mental stability into question. When a man does this to you, know that he will continue to try to silence you as the relationship progresses. Get out.
3. 'You're too ambitious'
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I recently had someone ask me why I couldn't just be "normal." He said I was too ambitious and they preferred a regular girl. He, of course, was very ambitious, but he didn't want to be with a woman who was equally goal-driven. Yet he continued to pursue me until I told him in no uncertain words to kick rocks. He praised ambition in himself and other men, but mine made him feel sick to his stomach.
Telling a woman that she is too ambitious is a veiled insult meant to make you feel like your drive is unattractive or masculine. He is viewing you as a competitor rather than a potential partner and believes that he should be celebrated and placed in the limelight while you play the background. Your success challenges his identity and his insecure masculinity.
4. 'You're just lucky'
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A man who blames your success and achievements on mere luck is doing his best not to acknowledge your hard work and talent. He wants you to believe that you just so happened to stumble upon a lucky break that catapulted you into the position you are currently in. He is crediting your success to chance because you could not possibly have made it on your own merit, in his mind.
Whether he really believes that or not, this is a sign to turn tail and run as far away as you can. Again, he is comparing his accomplishments to yours and feels inferior. So, instead of stepping his own game up to match your energy, he chooses to dim your light. He can never admit that you earned it because that would make him feel inadequate.
5. 'I'm just being honest'
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This phrase usually comes right after a rude or condescending remark. It's his way of using honesty and transparency as a reason to insult or hurt you. He is being disrespectful, but he knows how much you value the truth, so he pretends to honor you. It's underhanded and makes him feel better about being a mean person and impacting your self-worth.
That false moral high ground masks a deep insecurity that only increases when he is in your presence. Insults couched in honesty make him more comfortable with reducing you and placing himself on a pedestal. However, keep in mind that honesty requires empathy, or it may turn into hostility.
6. 'You're intimidating'
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You might see this as a compliment or a clue that he believes you are a powerful woman and has the utmost respect for you, but you would be wrong. He is telling you that he sees you a masculine and finds it difficult to treat you with the gentleness and softness that a woman may want. He wants you to either tone down your assertiveness or never be treated in the way you require a man to treat you.
He is shifting the responsibility for his own insecurities onto you. Instead of celebrating the confidence you have spent your entire life building, he is framing it as a problem that needs fixing. What he is really telling you is that he feels small next to your aura, and it's all your fault. But you are not intimidating. He is just intimidated.
7. 'You're not like other girls'
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When insecure men tell you this, they don't mean it in the special, unique, better-than-any-other-girl way. It's not flattering. It is their way of telling you that you are not exhibiting the characteristics he expects to see in a woman, a slight on your femininity. The goal is to pit you against other women so you compete. He is triangulating you to make you do what it takes to beat out the competition.
This makes you believe that there is a right way to be a woman and that you are failing miserably. He implies that other women do things that make him happy and comfortable, and your inability to do the same makes you less of a woman and less attractive. Conversely, when you bend over backwards for him, he might tell you how much better you are than other women to manipulate you into keeping up the good work.
8. 'Let me explain'
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This phrase is associated with mansplaining, when a woman already clearly understands what's being discussed, but a man pretends she doesn't and proceeds to break it down too simplistically, or tries to convince her to see things his way. It's patronizing, condescending, and disrespectful, meant to give the impression that he has more knowledge or authority than you do.
His over-explaining is not intended to provide clarity, but to assert dominance and prove that he's smarter than you simply because he was born a man. It reinforces his mental hierarchy, even when it doesn't exist in reality. Trying to explain something that you already understood can shift the power dynamics and gaslight you into believing you have no idea what you're talking about.
9. 'If you keep acting like this, no man will want you'
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During disagreements, it is not uncommon for a man who is threatened by a woman to try and snatch back a sense of power by telling her how undesirable she is to other men. He wants her to believe that her style of arguing, or even the fact that she is pushing back at all, repels men, including him. He wants her to act in a way that is male-centered and makes him feel good. If you want him to be your man, he expects you to prioritize his needs.
A man who tries to convince you that he is the only game in town and you need to act right to keep him wants you to seek his validation by doing things he approves of, including shutting up. It's a defensive jab to shame her into silence, suggesting that a woman's singleness is a reflection of her flaws. It's important to remember that this is a last-ditch effort of a hurt little boy to avoid taking a loss in an argument.
10. 'You should smile more'
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I got so tired of random men telling me to "smile" as I walked down the street that I stopped plastering a goofy grin on my face to appease them. When they started telling me, "You look mean," I would respond with, "I am mean." Policing a woman's appearance or demeanor is a way of demanding that women be passive and compliant. Insecure men need us to be pleasant so they can feel at ease, and a refusal to do so makes them feel anxious and vulnerable.
They want you to smile because it makes them feel better, and it neutralizes your assertiveness and independence. If they can get you to smile on demand, what other compromises might you be willing to make to ensure they feel powerful? What a man who insists you smile is really telling you is that your seriousness makes him uncomfortable, and you should be less of who you are. But you should always be your real, most authentic self. Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
