The Scary Truth About Married Men & One-Night Stands

Love, Sex

Just had a one-night stand and found out you're pregnant? He probably won't be too pleased.

Have you ever had a one-night stand? And are you ready to go inside the minds of men? A one-night stand, as defined by Urban, is "hooking up with someone for one night of sex with no strings attached and hoping to never see them again. It is important not to exchange any personal info with them so they can't track you down and stalk you later."

Here is what a one-night stand looks like from a man's point of view. How this goes depends which one of these two scenarios applies: Was it a one night-stand where you never saw the guy again, or was it one that led to you getting pregnant? So, you're out at the club looking hot, and you meet James. You two have one too many drinks and decide to go to your place and get it on. You have amazing sex, breakfast in bed the next morning and he leaves smiling in the early afternoon. Later in the day after the stupor wears off, perhaps you give him a call to see what he is doing for the evening. He will either be turned on because he wants to go for round two and his wife or girlfriend is still out of town for the weekend, or he will be turned off, and here are the possible reasons:

  1. He just cheated on his wife or girlfriend with you.
  2. He does not know you
  3. He was not that attracted to you in the first place and just wanted a quickie
  4. It was an accident that was not supposed to happen.
  5. He is worried that you may be unclean and do this on a regular basis. Although it was a fun evening, most guys would label you a ho, and hos do not usually get prime time. A very sticky situation to say the least. “How do I explain to her that I feel like I just had sex with the neighborhood ho?”
  6. He was drunk and was not thinking clearly.
  7. It was supposed to be a secret.
  8. He has a guilty conscience based on conflicting moral values. Yes, you didn't know this, but men can get really deep, especially when the woman they love is being threatened by an act of their own stupidity. How many times have you heard: "We just had sex one time…that's it. I cannot be the father; it's impossible." Yes, life's impossible, and amazing acts of nature are often mind-boggling to unsuspecting members of the male population.

If you have been in this first scenario, do not expect too much from him. There is always the occasional exception to the rule, much like winning the lotto, where the guy just does not care that you didn't date before you slept together. But he will always keep it in the back of his mind for the appropriate moment when you need to be reminded: "If you were that easy with me, I can only imagine what you might do in the future if the opportunity presented itself." 

The second scenario: You get pregnant. This is definitely a nightmare for the taken man who just had a one-night stand with you, the unknown woman; he will be scared out of his mind, simply because this was not in his plans. "Ah, let's see, I am going to the club with the fellas tonight to meet a hot lady, hopefully take her home, have awesome sex, then tell the fellas all about it later." The condom breaking and your getting pregnant is not in his thought process. This scenario especially terrifies a man because he does not have full control of the situation.    To a man, a one-night stand can be summed up as a purely physical act. But once he is sober, he thinks, "Uh-oh, what did I get myself into? What's the problem with this woman?"

We won't start thinking of all the particulars until you tell us you're pregnant and we see our whole life flash before our eyes, a life that includes you and not the girl we are with and whom we love. Now we love and appreciate her more simply for not being like you. Strange twist of fate, isn't it? In fact, now he wishes he never met you and of course, rightfully so, you are pissed beyond all recognition. Because you are now in this pregnancy by yourself, with no man and in a no-win situation. He does not want to have anything to do with you, simply because he does not know you and possibly has another relationship. How embarrassing is that? This is the way men truly think about the one-night stand. Yeah, men will smile and laugh in your face, never tell you the truth, but let that condom break and you get pregnant. Trust me, you will be slapped with the hardcore truth.

I am sorry to be so brutally honest with you, but it is better to know now than suffer later. A man’s biggest fear is having a baby by a girl who is not his wife or girlfriend. Some men love to have sex with random, sometimes promescuous women but do not in general want to make happy families with them. Most men choose the "proper" woman to bring home to Mama on Christmas Day. (The Truth About Double Standards and Dating) It is a taboo that is real, and men in general do not want to bring loose women around their friends unless you are bringing more friends who are as sexually promiscuous as you are.

Something to consider is that most men who have one-night stands do not have them sober. So the fact that he has to get his courage up through drinking could signify that there could be potentially bigger problems in his life. So although you two found solace in each other's company for the evening, in his mind that's all it will likely ever be. So when you tell him you're pregnant, just hearing those words sends his already fragile stability crashing down. Any man can pretend to be Prince Charming for an evening, but when the clock strikes 12, he turns back to his original self, much like Cinderella.

Wait, I know what you are thinking: "You put it on him." He will be back for more. My question to you is, once again, what is your objective? If you want to be used as a sex object, so be it. But if you want a solid relationship, please consider how most men will truly think and feel. So much for the one-night stand.

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This article was originally published at How To Get The Man of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission from the author.