A Simple Tactic To Quickly Diffuse An Argument With Your Spouse

Love, Self

Not that you would (or should) but do you ever just feel like clocking him when you're arguing?  When you get to that point, nobody's listening to the other one. Ironically that's usually the reason for the fight.  Somebody just wants to be heard and their feelings acknowledged.  But when you are in the middle of it, emotions run high and sanity goes out the window.  

That's when it's time to go to the bathroom!   That may sound silly.   But you both need time out and that's an acceptable break in the action.  When two boxers get too aggressive the referee sends them to their corners right? There's no referee to break it up at home so head to the bathroom!  He can't object to that.  

Stay in "your corner" until you cool off. Take 5 deep breaths, count to 10...whatever it takes to regain emotional control.   Sit for a while and get your shit together! Regroup. You can't resolve an issue when nobody's listening and you both want to win.  Let go of the need to be right.  (My mom used to tell me sometimes it's easier to just know you're right!)  There's also the age old adage " Would you rather be right or happy?"

You can't control him, but you can control you!  Switch gears.  Don't dwell on what's just been said and how mad you are.  Clear your mind by thinking of something else.  Bring to mind something you adore about him.  If that's too hard to do, remember a good time you've had together.  If you can't go there,...think about something that makes you smile or calm.  Maybe something silly or loving your child or pet did.  Transport yourself to a spot you love, the beach, the mountains, the spa.  Take charge of your thoughts.  Direct them elsewhere.   It will change your emotions and help you disconnect from the anger.  Even if he's still yelling through the door, block it out.  Don't engage, stay centered in your own head and gain your composure.

Your calm energy will have an effect when you emerge from the bathroom.  Keep your tone light and even.  He expects you to come out swinging.  It's hard to fight with someone who doesn't fight back.  Best case scenario, he's calmed down too!   

Usually it's not good to continue the conversation unless you can both discuss things at a level that doesn't escalate.  Acknowledge you heard him and agree to talk about it later when you've both had time to think and calm down.  

Remember...when shit starts to fly, head to the bathroom!

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You can take control of your emotions by learning to direct your thinking.  In relationships we create patterns.   When we argue we feel attacked and launch into defense mode.  Our brain kicks in and automatically responds without us thinking.  You can train your brain to change patterns.  Click here if you'd like to understand more about how you can take control of your emotions.