Don't Blame Your Partner! YOU Need To Change

Love, Heartbreak

Change how YOU do things, how YOU, react, how YOU treat your partner, eventually they'll respond.

Relationships are hard; but they don't have to be nearly as hard as some people make them.

The first step is to realize that all change starts from within. Yes, the truth is, if you want a healthy, happy, functional, and fulfilling relationship, and live 'happily ever after' … it starts with you.

YOU have to make the first move in your relationships even when it seems unfair. You have to be the one to forgive, even when it doesn't seem possible. You have to be kind, even when it feels like your partner is oblivious. You have to be generous, even when it feels like your partner never gives. 

Any changes in your relationship have to start with you. Wait ... I can already hear the "yes, but ... " in your voice. 

It doesn't seem fair, does it?  It doesn't seem like it will work, does it?  Why should you do ALL the hard work to maintain or save your relationship?  That's the incredible thing about change—the magic, really.

Once you start changing how you do things, how you react to situations, and how you treat your partner, your partner will begin to respond. The seed is planted. Change will happen. As you focus on your own position in the relationship and change the way you act, your partner will not be able to continue in the same way as before. 

Picture a relationship that's struggling like a card game in which both partners have been dealt a bad hand. They continue to play that hand, over and over and over again. That game will continue as long as both partners play their hand. What happens when one partner folds? The struggle ends. The game can't continue if one player refuses to play!

Refuse to play that bad hand! No matter if your partner continues to play the same hand, continue to refuse. Eventually, playing alone will get frustrating enough that your partner will fold, too, and say "now what?" Then it's time to put everything you've learned to work. 

Teach your partner that it's okay to fall in love again and enjoy the things that brought you two together in the first place. 

What happens if after all that hard work and change on your part, you still find yourself adrift from your partner, unable to make it work? Turn to professional help when possible, and if things still can't be resolved, remember that it's okay. The important thing is that you know you did absolutely everything in your power to make it work, and if you have to walk away, you did your best.

In the end, our best is all we have to offer and all we should expect of ourself.