6 Uncomfortable Signs You're In Love With The Wrong Person

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6 Uncomfortable Signs You're In Love With The Wrong Person

Trust your gut.

During my twenties and thirties, my friends use to joke with me and say that I had a broken picker — that is to say, I used to hook up with, and subsequently date some of the worst partners that were available to me. I will admit, the criteria I generally used wasn’t the healthiest. The funny thing, or not so funny thing depending on how you look at it, is that I even snubbed a few opportunities along the way that probably would’ve been a lot healthier.

Yesterday I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and right there, in living color, was the face of a woman I dated for nearly a year who very certainly almost helped to participate in my premature death. This is no exaggeration. I fell so madly in lust with her that I followed her into situations that, at the very least, could have resulted in jail time. So much like a person who pulled the cord to the parachute at the last second, somewhere toward the end of the first year together, I found enough courage and enough self-esteem to tear myself away from this person and survive without even ever once having to retain an attorney.

The take away for me was that I kept a journal that kept track of every toxic aspect of this dalliance so I never made this same mistake again. I will share how to know if you're in the wrong relationship:

RELATED: If You Feel These 11 Things, You're Wasting Time In The Wrong Relationship

1. You feel yourself losing your identity

I have a clear recollection of being behind the bushes at the County Fair throwing up from a roller coaster ride when it finally dawned on me that I have hated roller coasters my entire life. I was pretty disappointed in myself. The next week, I was watching a very disturbing horror film that I absolutely abhorred. I remember writing in my journal that I successfully transformed myself from the role of being “Billy” to the unenviable role of being “her boyfriend.” No bueno. No one is worth that.

2. You have lost your overall feeling of well-being

Or to be more blunt, you have traded all the stability in your life for the impossible highs and deep lows of being sexually involved with a crazy person. Granted, this can sometimes feel exhilarating, but so can jumping in front of a fast-moving train — and at least when you do that, it’s over pretty quickly.

A healthy relationship can definitely feel boring at times, but sometimes boring is okay — especially when compared to the heartache of trying to surf the relational waves of “crazy” every single day.

RELATED: 11 Relationship Habits That Seem Healthy But Are Actually Toxic As Hell

3. You find yourself making pros and cons lists

If you catch yourself spending too much time creating the ol’ Ben Franklin tables of what is good about your relationship and what is bad about your relationship, there is a really good chance that you are hooking up with a toxic person. Sometimes we get so immersed in these situations we lose sight of the fact that normal people spend their time thinking about their weekend dinner plans or if they want to sit through a movie with subtitles; not whether or not the person they are sleeping with will inevitably lead to their admittance to a rehab for anxiety disorders or a long-term treatment center for alcohol abuse.

4. Your friends keep warning you

We’ve all had that experience where one of our friends just can’t seem to get along with our lover — but I am not talking about that particular anomaly. If two, three, or four of your friends, all at various times, approach you with the ol’ “can I say something without you getting mad?” routine, you should probably start arranging an escape plan. You are officially in trouble.

5. They make you feel worse about yourself than you did to begin with

Chances are, if you find yourself in one of these terrible romantic situations, you probably don’t have award-winning self-esteem to begin with. I say this not in a preachy way, but from first-hand experience. The young woman that brought me into this hell a decade ago not only sensed this but would try to exacerbate these inferior feelings that I had by consistently reminding me that she usually dated guys that were much better looking than I was. This is pure poison and truly enough of a reason all by itself to run in the opposite direction.

6. The fact that you are reading this article

If you saw the title of this article and reached for your mouse like Little Joe on Bonanza, there’s a really good chance you are in trouble. I can empathize in a profound way when it comes to the fear of being alone or having to get back out there and begin the awkward ritual of dating again, but you owe it to yourself to tear that rickety house of your dysfunction down to the foundation and rebuild it again from scratch.

Listen to your spidey sense! Pay attention to that gut level voice that keeps telling you that you are in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong guy (or gal). That voice is a mechanism that the universe provided you with as an important tool for your self-preservation. To ignore it would be foolhardy and, quite honestly, lame.

RELATED: 6 Scary Signs You're In The WRONG Relationship — Get Out!

Billy Manas is a poet, singer-songwriter, and truck driver from the Hudson Valley in New York. His distinct voice in both song and poetry is likely the result of his degree in literature and his teenage years spent outside of CBGB’s on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Catch up with Billy on his website.

This article was originally published at Elephant Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.