If You're Doing These 11 Things To Be More Attractive To Men — Sorry, Girl! You've Got It All Wrong

Photo: Unsplash: Avi Richards
11 Things Attractive Women Do To Get Men To Say 'I love You' That Totally Backfire

If you want him to say, 'I love you,' you might want to change some things. Like, now.

One of the most thrilling moments in the dance of attraction, dating, and romantic relationships is when you realize that you're falling in love with your boyfriend. And even more thrilling than that is the when you work up the guts to finally say, "I love you!" like those awkward yet supernaturally attractive women in cheesy romantic comedies.

It's great to feel excited about falling in love. Isn't that the goal, after all, of the relentless dating we subject ourselves to — that we'll build long-term relationships with someone we like, love and feel a passionate attraction to?


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When you think about it in these terms, it's no wonder so many women will try practically anything under the sun if they believe it will make the man of their dreams fall in love with them right back.

While it might be tempting to employ some manipulation technique experts call the "guaranteed" way to get a guy to like you (and fall in love with you shortly thereafter), there is no surefire way to make that happen.

All any of us can do is be ourselves. 

As frustrating as that is, if love with that man is meant to be, it will happen. In the meantime, anything you do in an attempt to control his emotions is far more likely to backfire, leaving you feeling exhausted and resentful, and him feeling smothered and annoyed.

To be even more crystal clear about it, if you're doing any of these 11 things in order to seem like a more attractive woman and get him to say, "I love you," sorry, girl, but you're doing it all wrong.

1. Glamming it up 24/7/365.

If you think layering on a full face of makeup, including concealer, primer, foundation, and finishing powder on top of your standard mascara, eyeshadow, liner, blush and lip gloss at all times is going to make him fall for you harder and faster, you've more likely than not got another think coming.

Do all men love a makeup-free girl aglow with only natural beauty? I mean, no, not quite. Many of them might say that they do, but what they really love is a natural, clean look, the kind one achieves with only a minimal amount of makeup.

Yeah, I know. You wear all of that makeup for yourself. If that's your truth, go for it. Spackle it on girl! But if a tiny honest voice in the back of your head is confessing that you always have a full face of makeup in place whenever there's a chance you might see him, you can stop that now. All you're really doing is setting an unreasonable standard for yourself that may not be the way he really prefers to see that naturally beautiful face of yours.


2. Laughing at every single thing he says and does.

Sure, we all fake a laugh every now and then. I mean, how many people actually are literally laughing out loud when they type out "LOL" in a text message, right? So, it's normal to want to giggle away at every joke the man you love attempts to tell, but if you're faking belly laughs every time he says anything remotely goofy, you're practically guaranteeing that love with this guy won't last.

If he doesn't have an amazing sense of humor or you don't think some of his jokes are funny, don't laugh at them! They won't going magically turn into comedy gold, and lying to him with fake laughter won't make him fall in love with you if he hasn't already.


3. Playing house when you visit his place.

Picking up after yourself when you spend time at his house or in his apartment is just good manners. Your momma didn't raise no slob, after all! But he's probably not dating you because he needs someone to clean his toilet or because he's auditioning you for the role of his new primary caretaker now that his mom finally said enough is enough.

If he is, you're dating a man who may have some pretty warped expectations and feelings of entitlement when it comes to love and marriage.

If he wants someone to keep his house clean, he can hire a maid. If he wants a hot dinner waiting for him every single night no matter what, he knows exactly which drawer he shoved the take-out menus into last week.

Pretending to be his mother/chef/nanny/maid won't make him love you forever. If anything, it might send him running in the other direction!


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4. Prancing around like a human teeter-totter.

For many women, there's nothing quite as comfortable, sexy and eye-catching as a pair of classic 5-inch Christian Louboutin pumps.

For many, many other women, however, high heels are the devil's business.

Do they make you look look unforgettable from behind? Sure! Do they make your legs look long and lean? Absolutely!

But guess what? You don't need to wear them in order to make a man fall in love with you, especially if wearing them causes you pain and makes walking from one end of the room to the other a tightrope-walker's task. In fact, if he likes to do stuff like go for long walks off the beaten path, or spend entire days visiting museums, the way your heels slow you down and cause you to trip ever-so-slightly from time to time could prove to be something of an annoyance for him, let alone a literal pain for you!


5. Being a sports fan ... FOR him.

He likes the Bulls, so you like the Bulls. He likes the Patriots, so you like the Patriots. Hey, guess what! He is NOT going to be into it if you pretend to like his team when you don't, or worse still, if you pretend to like sports when you really have no interest in (and even less knowledge about) them at all.

Lots of people connect over sports as a shared hobby, and yes, that can become the foundation of their love. But again, and you might begin noticing a pattern here, not being yourself and passively lying by faking him out isn't going to make him love you, it's going to make him leave you.


6. Going gonzo on the birth control.

Here's a thing that some people actually do to try and get a man to love them forever — poking holes in condoms. Ah, yes. That old standard. Because there's nothing as romantic or emotionally satisfying as trapping a man by giving birth to a child he did not want to conceive with you. Way to form the basis of a healthy, long lasting and loving relationship.

Don't pull a dramatic soap opera-like con on the man you love. If you really do love him, you should care too much about his own feelings, hopes, wants, and dreams to try something so utterly bananas.


7. Pretending you think he's a god in the bedroom.

Some people love the missionary position. Others straight up hate it. If you straight up hate it and he straight up loves it, pretending that you love it, too isn't going to work well for either of you in the long run.

Sure, it's nice when you're preferences for what happens in the bedroom naturally jibe, but there is always the chance that you could be honest about what you do and do not hate, like and love while allowing him to do the same. If you go that second route, you might even end up with a relationship that's mutually satisfying in every way possible rather than built on a series of fallacies created in the hopes ensnaring him with the magic of your womanly charms.


8. Becoming his (only) groupie.

You hate his band. Just admit it. You HATE his band. You think it's loud and dumb and an excuse to go out with the guys twice a week to get totally plastered.

It's fine to think these things. You can think them and still be a loving and supportive girlfriend.

He would probably love it a whole lot if you only came to his gigs every now and then and danced gleefully in the front row when did rather deal with you pretending to be his ride or die White Fish fan (or whatever other terrible nonsense the front man decided they should call themselves this week).


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9. Agreeing with him no matter what.

Nobody is right all of the time. Not even your sainted boyfriend. If he gets something wrong and clings to his opinion as fact even though you've already read through multiple evidence-based materials that state something quite different, tell him so.

No, silly. I'm not saying you should beat him over the head with the actual facts you've found, but never hide your bright light under a bushel in the hopes of convincing a man to love you.

If a man is worth his salt, and more importantly, worthy of receiving your love to begin with, he wants you to be your best, brightest and most authentic self at all times. Period. End of story.


10. Offering up your place as his own personal crash pad.

Sure, telling him he could move in when he lost his job (again) seemed like a great idea at the time, but I'm here to tell you that even doing this in no way guarantees his eternal love. In fact, he might start thinking of you as a fusion of mom and roommate, and there is nothing less sexy than that for either one of you.

You should only move in with someone when your relationship is on solid and equal footing. Inviting him to live with you until he gets back on his feet sounds loving and great in theory, but you don't want him to feel obligated to love you when he actually does not.


11. Being fake news when it comes to politics.

Do not pretend to be someone you aren't in order to convince a man to love you. Trust me, you are perfect just as you are. And if you find yourself pretending to be liberal when you're conservative, or pretending to be political period when you aren't at all, it's just going to put you on the defensive whenever the subject comes up.

Love is about making yourself vulnerable to another person and helping them feel safe being vulnerable to you.

When you pretend to have beliefs and characteristics you honestly don't, you only makes it more difficult and less likely that he will even get to know you, let alone love you the way you want and deserve to be loved.


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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the love and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.