How To Know Whether You're Compromising — Or Totally Losing Yourself

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compromising yourself
Love, Self

What if simple compromise turns into the loss of what makes you, you?

The two Cs of relationships are essential and unavoidable: communication and compromise. They’re at the core foundation of the success of love, and almost always guarantee a life of happiness with that special someone. 

But there’s a fundamental difference between compromising yourself for your partner to find a common ground, and completely changing who you are altogether.

We all have to compromise at times. Whether it’s skipping the Starbucks run to meet up with your sister instead or missing a movie night to bring chocolate and words of encouragement to console the broken heart of your best friend (who just got screwed over for the hundredth time), you give up your own preferences for those you care about.

Romantic relationships are no exception, but there must be a balance.

Sometimes you’ll agree to watch the action movie when you’d rather see the latest comedy, or spend the day helping him reorganize his home office just because you love him. It’s not a chore or an inconvenience; you do these things because you care about the person.

But what if simple compromise turns into the loss of what makes you, you?

Your uniqueness is what makes you interesting. And for a lot of men, that's what they're looking for. They want someone to challenge them and encourage them to go beyond their everyday activities. 

In a healthy relationship, each person should feel open to exploring the interests of their partner. It demonstrates a genuine devotion to that person and active efforts to show you care. This means reading his favorite book, going to a concert of her choice, and just doing life together.

If your partner is not supportive of your own hobbies or interests, recognize that as a red flag. Sure, he may not like shopping or photography as much as you do, but if he loves you he will support those passions no matter what, with no attempt to change them. Your passions are what give you life, and no man can take that away.

Take a moment to consider how much you’ve changed for your partner compared to what he’s sacrificed for you. Does it seem heavily weighted toward your side rather than his? If so, get out — and fast. He should fall in love with you, not who you became for him.

It's easy to make up excuses in the moment, like, oh, that's just not really his thing, or, he would come camping with me, but he was busy working that weekend. Sure, some of his reasons may be legitimate, but it's up to you to decide where that line is being crossed too often.

If you absolutely hate spicy food, don't force yourself to start eating it on a regular basis because that's his favorite food. If you're uncomfortable in a bar or club setting, don't let him pressure you into going out with him every weekend. These are rather trivial examples, but you get the idea.

What may seem like small changes can all at once turn into something bigger than you intended. Before you know it, you may feel yourself begin to drift away as you morph into who he wants you to be. Compromising yourself happens little by little, and far more frequently than it should.

Not every love is meant to be. Love's force is powerful and can make you feel like nothing else truly matters anymore. But it's also blinding and sometimes it's too strong for us to notice the bigger picture. If you're not the person he desires in your entirety, let him go because he doesn't deserve you.

If there's one thing I'd hope for you to take away from this it's that you are incredible the way you are, and anyone who doesn't respect that does not deserve your energy any longer.