10 Legit Reasons 'Settling Down' Doesn't Mean You're 'Settling'

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 'Settling Down' Doesn't Mean You're 'Settling'

Commitment isn't supposed to be scary.

There's often an interesting negative stigma toward relationships in the younger generations — my own included. In an age of infinite options bombarding us daily in the form of Facebook posts, Pandora advertisements, and scrolling billboards, we're very seldom satisfied with anything anymore.

To make matters worse, we have constantly evolving technology that makes us always want the next best thing. You've had your smartphone for two whole years? Talk about obsolete technology.

We can see why, then, there's a certain avoidance of commitment in other areas of life as well. Why commit to one man or woman if you're just going to "upgrade" in a year or two anyway? You might as well just stay single and save yourself the frustration.

But the problem presented here is that this way of living doesn't actually provide anyone the fulfillment or satisfaction that we think it does. To pursue constant variety is to sacrifice stability. Security. Love. Real, intrinsic happiness that comes with building a bond with another human being.

The concept of "settling down" doesn't mean you're settling for less than you deserve. Here are ten reasons why.

1. Settling down means a deep, meaningful relationship.

Building an emotional connection with someone who isn't only your lover, but also your best friend, will never leave you wondering who else is out there that might be "better." You will never feel like you're missing out on other parts of life because you now have someone who share that life with, and all of the joys that it brings.

You have an equal, a teammate, a partner who will never hold you back, but help you become all that you've always wanted to be.

2. Settling down means you have someone who keeps you motivated.

Yes, motivation and ambition come from within, and we should want to be happy and successful (whatever your personal definition of that is) whether we're single or in a relationship.

But often times, having a significant other in our life gives us a deeper meaning, someone who we want to make proud. An accountability partner. A person, most of all, we never want to let down. Being in a relationship means having someone there who we want to be our best for.

3. Settling down means a built-in date for all events.

Family holiday party? Awkward work event? Great charity fundraiser? All of these things are more fun with somebody by your side. Especially someone you love and care about.

4. Settling down means a solid foundation of trust.

You should never have to worry about whether or not you can trust the person you've committed yourself to. This isn't something that can be said for the random person you're going on a date with tonight that you're still not sure about. There's a security in this kind of stability that only being in a relationship can bring.

5. Settling down means you understand you don't have to choose between your passions or your loved ones.

Too many people think they're going to have to stop doing the things that make them happy if they get into a relationship. Maybe they will lose focus on their career, not be able to travel as much, or have to cancel that white water rafting trip.

On the contrary, being with the right person will only mean that you have somebody to share all of those great experiences with. Or if it's something you're going to do alone, being with the right person means you will have somebody waiting for you with open arms upon your return.

The right relationship should never hold you back in life, but encourage you to do everything that you love, because they want to see you happy.

6. Settling down means boring tasks become fun.

Suddenly, that trip to Bed Bath & Beyond just became an adventure, because the person you have the most fun with is by your side.

7. Settling down means honest feedback.

While the person you love should never say anything hurtful or discouraging to you, they're also a person you should be able to count on for their honesty. This means sometimes telling you things that you need to hear rather than only what you want to hear, but only because they love you and want the best for you.

8. Settling down means MUCH better sex.

Sure, one night stands can be fun if that's what you're into, but many people stay single and dive head-first into the hookup culture because they want to keep their options open and do whatever they want, whenever they want.

What these people don't yet realize is that they're chasing things they will never find with that strategy. The basis of a real physical connection is a real emotional connection. The most fulfilling intimacy comes when you're with someone who you've built a bond with and have taken the time to learn about. This is something that cannot happen in just one night together.

9. Settling down means not worrying about risk.

Let's be honest, the hookup culture mentioned above is a breeding ground for some less-than-ideal risks that come along with it.

10. Settling down means experiencing real love.

Love is one of those rare, powerful, exciting emotions that we can only experience when we open ourselves up to another person. It makes us smile in the middle of the day for no reason. It gives us something and someone to look forward to every day. It makes you laugh louder and adds deeper layers into your life. It opens your heart to new emotions that make the very experience of living more vivid.

To truly love someone is to link your emotions to theirs. To share in their happiness and to lend them your strength to heal their pain. It isn't the obligation, but the willingness to do whatever it takes to make them happy while they do the same for you. It's something that bonds us to another person, that makes two "I's" become a "we."


James Michael Sama is an award-winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.

This article was originally published at jamesmsama.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.