Ring, Buzz, Ring: 7 Ways Your Phone Is Destroying Your Love Life

man on the phone during a dinner date

You won't believe what your phone is doing to your breasts ...

Since cell phones came into existence there have been a lot of rumors, facts, and gossip about the negative, and sometimes, positive effects of them. We all remember the days when the media told us brain cancer from cell phone use was evitable, right? But because cell phones haven’t been around long enough to really give us a good idea of what a lifetime of using them could mean for our bodies, what we do know for sure is that cell phones, and technology as a whole, are changing the way we communicate. We seem to be drifting further and further apart.

As technology continues to build a wall in between and all around us, it would make sense that our relationships might suffer. You might think it's not a big deal to have your phone attached to you 24/7, but you are very, very wrong.

1. It puts a damper on true connection. 

Studies have shown that nothing says, "I'm not totally interested in this moment," quite like putting your cell phone on the table during dinner. It not only makes the person across the table feel less important than your phone, but it also leads to you "to judge the quality of your relationship more poorly." It's hard to focus when you’re waiting for a call or a text, so put the phone away. If someone really needs to talk to you, they'll call back.

2. It can make you impotent. 

In news that will make anyone shrivel, shrink, and sob uncontrollably in the corner, studies have found that men who carry their cell phones in their pocket for a significant amount of time everyday are more prone to erectile dysfunction, as opposed to those who keep their phone elsewhere (attaché, maybe?). Doctors attribute this to either the electromagnetic radiation or the heat that the phone emits. On top of that, researchers have also found a "worrying link" between "poor sperm" and the amount of time men use their phones a day. Luckily, these studies are still in their infancy, so maybe in a couple years, we can laugh these results off as a load of bunk.

3. It's a total boner-killer.

Picture it: all is quiet, there's maybe some bad elevator music on in the background, and you lean in for a kiss, but, "RING! BUZZ! RING!" And scene. While you might be able to pick up where you left off, you have to admit that the phone really changed the mood. It may pain you to do so, but powering it down or at least putting it on silence will help keep things moving in the right direction.

4. It will make you sick.

It's hard to have a smooth-sailing relationship if you're sick all the time. Researchers found that 94.5 percent of cell phones are basically germ factors. Not only are cell phones home to at least one bacteria or another, but a lot of those germs found are known as "superbugs," which is a bacteria that can’t be cured by common antibiotics.

5. It will make your offspring a devil child.

Even if you're able to get over the obstacles that cell phones put in the way of successful and happy relationships, that doesn't mean you're out of the woods just yet. Studies have found that women who use their phones a lot during pregnancy are more likely to have devil children with behavioral problems. For your love life this means two things: If you're with the father of your child, behavior issues can add extra stress to your life and take a major toll on your relationship. If you're not with the father of your child and are a single parent out on the prowl, a difficult kid can make meeting someone new a tricky task. If everyone in town knows your child is the kid from The Exorcist, you can kiss your love life goodbye. 

6. It's a drunk texting machine.

Whether you're drunk and texting an ex-boyfriend (even though you’re in a relationship), or texting your current partner because you're either A. Mad, B. A mean drunk, or C. In the mood to be a little too honest, drunk texting can really mess up a good thing. If that isn't a major factor in how cell phones can ruin your love life, then I don't know what is.

7. It can make your breasts lumpy.

If you're one of those women who keeps their phone in their bra, and apparently some do, stop now. Research has found a direct correlation between breast nodules ("solid, raised areas in or under the skin that are larger than 0.5 centimeters") and phones being tucked closely to the bosom. According to Dr. Stephen Sinatra, "doctors are now finding a rectangular pattern of nodules — many of them malignant — between the breasts of all to many unsuspecting women that have afterward admitted to stashing their cell phones" in their bras. Ladies, you have that Balenciaga bag for a reason, so put your cell phone in there instead.