Dating Disaster: He Was Just Waiting For The Aliens To Take Him

humiliated alien
Love, Heartbreak

His haircut was so the aliens would recognize him.

Before we get into this story, I want to make clear that I think Henry is one of the most solid names a parent can give their son. It is perhaps my favorite name for a man, and I hope to meet more people named Henry. Just not more people like this Henry.

We met at the gym. We were both getting dressed. At first I was a bit nervous, because I was a bit sweaty and gross, but Henry did not seem to notice, or did not care. I don't shower at the gym, because I think it is creepy. I am also a mild germophobe.

We talked for a few minutes, and then exchanged email addresses and phone numbers very discreetly. Gym pickups can be so obvious and tacky. A gym pickup in the locker room is even tackier, but remember, I was slowly eliminating all my dating rules.I Went On A Date With A Guy Who Stank Like Hot Garbage

We spoke on the phone a few times. Henry seemed really nice. He was a little quirky, but in a good way. We made arrangements to go on a date the following week. In between, we exchanged a few emails and learned a lot of superficial information about each other: birthplace, siblings, education, blah, blah…

One week later, and apparently with not enough previous conversation, he showed up to pick me up for our first date. He was perfectly on time (a great way to start a date). I invited him in to have a glass of wine or a martini before we took off.

As he walked past me and into my apartment, I noticed the back of his hair was shaved OFF at the neckline and several inches above his hairline. Not just shaved like a normal haircut, but shaved to the point where the back of his head was bald and smooth. His hair looked like a wig resting on top of a mannequin's head. Dating Disaster: Are You A "Businessman" Or A Pimp?

I gingerly asked him about his haircut to see if he would tell me he was wearing a wig, which would have ended the date right there. But even a wig would have been much better than what he said.

His hair was cut like that so that THEY could recognize him when THEY get here.

Honestly perplexed and confused, I said, "Whhhat? Who?"

Then, getting a minor sense of what he might be talking about, I gave him a serious look and said, "WHAT?"

He looked up, pointed to my ceiling, and said, "Them." He paused and then said, "People from other planets. They are out there, and one day they are coming back for the rest of us, and they will only take those of us who have been acknowledging them."

I was in shock. I was at an utter loss for words.

Apparently I was not up-to-date on my "alien hairstyles" that function like a calling card for the shuttle to outer space. I suddenly realized Henry was not dealing with a full deck of cards.

I really didn't know what to do at that point. Scrambling, I told him that I had been sick all day and didn't want to cancel, but now I realized I was just not feeling up to going out. Dating Disaster: He Was A Jerk With A Wife

He had the nerve to give me a strange look. That's the pot calling the kettle black. He got up from my barstool, left my place, and slammed the door behind him.

I never saw Henry at the gym again. Guess he was "chosen." Lucky bastard!

This story was excerpted from Eddie Campbell's 44 Horrible Dates. Check out more great books from @Sourcebooks.

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