Dating Tips For Meghan McCain

meghan mccain
Buzz, Love

John McCain's daughter is looking for love in all the wrong places.

Over at The Daily Beast, they're having a good old time thanks to John McCain. Typical of the liberal media to turn the screws to an old war hero who got pushed aside in the name of change and… Correction, the article is about Meghan McCain's pitiful dating life after her dad (Republican Senator John McCain) lost the election. Oooo, let's pour a little salt on their wounds, because we (the liberal media elite) are a bunch of sore winners… Correction, it's a blog about Meghan McCain's pitiful dating life. Just what we need, some flaming left-wing nut job blogger talking about how stupid Republicans are and of all the sick, disgusting, erotic things he'd like to do to a desperate Meghan McCain… Correction, Meghan McCain wrote the blog about herself.

Give me a hot sec to actually read this sucker. OK then. First off all, Meghan McCain is not un-pretty. She may not be Megan Fox (who is?) but she ain't Megan Griffin either (as in "Shut up, Meg"). Keep up the good work, as far as I know, that's one of the most important things to have going for you when looking for good dates: Be As Attractive As Possible.

Next, evidently she's stuck in quandary, a damned if you do-damned if you don't scenario (editor's note: someone should consider writing a book based on a can't win situations so that there is a cultural shorthand to describe these exact predicaments); she can't date Barack Obama fans because they may secretly hate her dad (though they probably won't brand a backwards "B" into her cheek) and she can't date McCain fans because they may be in it for the wrong reasons (and they may have secret obsessions about beauty/ beer queen Cindy McCain). It's a tough issue and something Brittny Gastineau has had to deal with in the reverse. If you want to avoid this sort of pickle: Try Not To Talk About Politics (Or About Mark Gastineau).

Double M Double C (Meghan McCain's new nickname) also complains that dating after college is a real drag, "Little did I know, dating would become much more complicated and much less fun than it was in college." Oh, sorry about that. In everyone's hurry to get from station to station, we forget to remind those who come after us to "REALLY ENJOY EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW! SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT GOING TO GET BETTER. NOT WORSE, PER SE, JUST DIFFERENT. DO YOURSELF A SOLID; STOP AND LOOK AROUND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, OTHERWISE, YOU COULD MISS IT." Everyone who's ever gone to a sleepover college knows how awesome it is and how shocking it is to enter real life (though the Manhattan dating scene only marginally resembles "real life," with its total lack of accountability, its free-wheeling, anything goes attitude and its fiscal irresponsibility*). Bear in mind: Alcohol, Dancing And Staying Up Late Get You Over The Shock.

So, long story even longer, if Amy Carter could survive, you'll be just fine. There have to be some cool guys out there who are totally not into politics (they are called actors). There are dudes who probably don't mind your conservative politics in New York (we call them investment bankers). And there are men who date exactly like it was still college (we call them Manhattanites under 40). If all else fails, I'm available. Here's a sample of my dinner time conversation, “An economist bumps into another economist at a voting station and says, 'What are you doing here?' The second says, 'My wife made me come.' To which the first replies, 'Same.'" How's that for political apathy? I think jokes with punchlines like "voting is a waste of time" are hilarious.  And just so you don't think I'm using you for your access to the Anheuser-Busch connection, I can try to switch off of Budweiser. It won't be easy, but Yuengling is pretty good. Please keep in mind that I as soon switch to Coors Light as I'd start drinking Pepsi, over my dead body. A man has to know his limitations. Holler.

*Note: I am talking about the Manhattan singles scene and nothing else, fo' sho'.

Photos: Splash