Hope is still afloat for us . . .

Love, Heartbreak

Leslie and I talked a lot over the weekend and it seems like she is willing to stay with me IF I never lie to her again. Never (I can do that). She asked me to make a list of reasons why she should stay with me. At this point I don't know if she has any reasons herself and wants to know if I in fact want her to stay. I guess it's her way of seeing how much I am committed to our relationship. Anyway, I made a list of reasons almost a full page long none of which included her financial need for me. I agreed to take a lie detector test and seek anger management counceling (I did and apparently I dont have an anger problem :-). Also I made a list of my bad traits I must cease (i.e. lying, brooding, resenting, yelling). She also told me she has been eating her pain pills like candy. The pain from all the emotional upset is really hurting her. She doesn't want to die from all the hurt and pain as it is causing some major pain in her chest and she doesnt know if she has been having heart attacks or what. She says she has lost hope. I don't know what that means exactly . . . hope for her to have a happy life, hope that I won't ever lie to her again.

Leslie asked me to make up a schedule for my trips home as she is unsure of when I plan on returning. I guess that is my fault for not discussing it prior to leaving for my new job but I never have in the past with my ex. It was always me getting into the groove schedule after I arrive at my new job and we would work it out after that. Not the best model but its what I've done. I put some dates on the calender for the next two months and she seems to be happy with them.

She also asked me to develop an options list (i.e. what/where we can do from now on as far as our life together and my work). Five options from quitting and starting over to divorcing. She says its not what she asked for. Not sure what she meant.

The good news is she did a Pilates workout last night after we talked at 500 PM. I interupted her as the NASCAR race ended when I called her after Carl Edwards won. I was sooo excited he won the race I wanted to share it with her. She was surprised but glad to hear from me again. I had worked out earlier in the afternoon and went swimming. We are trying to lose weight and get in better shape for her 30th class reunion next July. Also, just to be healthier in general. It's a good plan.