Why Arianna Grande Is The Relationship Coach You Should Be Listening

Love, Self

The new Arianna Grande song “Thank U, Next” offers some of the best advice on how to get over your ex and improve your chances of creating a great relationship moving forward. We’re so impressed that we think Arianna is the Relationship Coach you should be listening to right now.

Pop music has been one of the worst offenders of bad advice for dating and relationships. (Maybe we’re showing our age, but come on REO Speedwagon, “Hold on loosely but don’t let go?”) We take notice when a new song comes out that actually offers great advice to the lovelorn.

Arianna dropped the song right after her break-up with Saturday Night Live cast-member, Pete Davidson. What really surprised us when we listened to the lyrics was how much her advice is in alignment with everything we teach and have seen success with over a decade of coaching singles to create long-lasting love.

The myth of accidental love has been ingrained in all of us since the day we were born through songs, poems, books and movies. Love and romance has been presented as something magical that happens to us “when we least expect it” (and more specifically “when we stop looking for it”). What a bunch of malarkey!

Of course then the relationship ends with, “It wasn't meant to be,” or the even more mysterious, “We just grew apart.”

The language that we use to talk about love (especially soulmate love) takes away any power or responsibility we have in finding a great partner and developing the skills to make it last.

Real love that lasts operates under the same universal laws as everything else we desire to have in our lives. Much like a career path, or creating lasting health, when we are intentional and develop the necessary tools we can be very powerful creators in our lives.

With that in mind, we broke down the lyrics of “Thank U, Next” to explore more deeply the empowering message in Arianna’s latest hit.

Here are 5 things you can learn about love from Arianna Grande’s “Thank U, Next”:

1. Find the Golden Nugget from your past relationships.

“One Taught Me Love, One Taught Me Patience,

And One Taught Me Pain, Now I’m So Amazing”

Here Arianna presents one of the most important lessons in overcoming our past heartbreaks. In order to move on and break the patterns that don’t serve us, we must learn and grow from our experiences.

We call this The Golden Nugget Of Learning. When you mine a relationship for the Golden Nugget you are looking for what that specific person came to teach you. What do you need to discover about yourself so that you can grow and become the person who can attract your ideal match in the future?

Think about it like a game, you roll the dice and move forward toward your Beloved. The bigger The Golden Nugget, the further and faster down the game-board of life you move to connect with your Soulmate.

It is one of the oldest maxims of personal growth, people show up in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you discover the reason your ex showed up in your life, then you can have gratitude for the learning.  This allows you to release the hold s/he has on your heart making it available for someone new and better suited for you.

Gain the learning; free your heart – that’s how you move on.

2. Approach love and relationship with an empowering mindset and a positive attitude.

“I’ve Loved And I’ve Lost, But That’s Not What I See

So Look What I Got, Look What You Taught Me

And For That I Say Thank You, Next”

When you focus on the positive in your past relationships instead of putting emphasis on what didn’t work, you set yourself up for greater success in the future.

The world appears to us as we believe it to be. If you believe that all men cheat, then you will meet a lot of cheaters. If you think that women only want a sugar daddy, that is what you will experience. If you believe online dating is full of fake people looking to scam you, then you won’t meet many people to date online.

When we have a negative mindset and belief system, we will find a lot of evidence to support that belief. When we have a positive mindset and belief system, we will be able to experience even challenging situations with a positive attitude.

Think you have to be lucky to have love? Then make sure you are the luckiest person you know.

If you want to create long-lasting love, you must believe that it is possible for you and that you are worthy of it.

3. The love you seek is inside of you.

“Plus I Met Someone Else, We Havin’ Better Discussions

I Know They Say I Move On Too Fast, But This One Gon’ Last

Cause Her Name Is Ari, And I’m So Good With That”

We can only receive as much love from another as we have for ourselves. Have you ever met someone who thought you were awesome and had the thought, “Just wait ‘til you get to know me?” This is usually followed up by some self-sabotaging behavior that supports the belief that you are not worthy of love.

When we don’t love or even like ourselves, we will reject love from another person (regardless of who the person is). It will feel like a mismatch – there won’t be the spark of attraction, it will feel weird or odd.

Another way we often express this concept is like this:

It is the love you have for yourself that will be reflected back to you in your Beloved’s eyes.

When you learn to like and also love yourself, then you open yourself up to receive that love from another.

4. Your struggles are your greatest teachers.

“I’ve Got So Much Love, Got So Much Patience

I’ve Learned From The Pain, I Turned Out Amazing”

We don’t learn and grow when times are good. These good times are their own reward. It is through challenges we face that force us to make changes so we continue to evolve and grow.

The butterfly must fight its way out of the cocoon in order to build up the strength to fly.

Shifting perspective from what you may have lost to what you have gained will allow you to find gratitude in every experience. A brilliant diamond is created by being under tremendous pressure; and you can also come out the other side of even a tragic event shining your light brightly.

An attitude of gratitude will serve you in every part of your life, especially when it comes to love.

5. Decide to choose love.

“One Day I’ll Walk Down The Aisle Holding Hands With My Mama

I’ll Be Thanking My Dad ‘Cause She Grew From The Drama

Only Wanna Do It Once, Real Bad Gon’ Make That Shit Last”

Set the intention that you are going to find the soul-satisfying, long-lasting love you desire!

Be sure to include an education about love, to discover how to choose an ideal partner, and develop the necessary skills for love to last.

Loving someone long term is a choice. We may fall in love to begin with, and for that love to deepen and grow through decades together we must choose that person again, and again, and again.

A long-term relationship will have its ups and its downs. Just as you experience challenges as a single person, life will throw curve balls at you when you’re coupled. When you choose a life partner who shares your values, dreams, and goals then the two of you can work together to make it last.

As far as Pete Davidson and Arianna Grande’s whirlwind romance where they got engaged, moved in together, and broke up in less time than an executive’s Maui vacation we’d like to offer this: When You Stop Dating Like A Teenager, You Can Break Up Like A Grown-Up.

It seems that Arianna and Pete got half of this equation right.

If you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone there is no rush. We discover who someone is over time because that is how we see who he or she is on good days as well as bad.

Selecting an ideal partner is all about finding a values match – not someone who likes the same music and hobbies as you do. We don’t find that out by talking about it, or proposing hypothetical situations, we discover what someone values over time by seeing how they spend their resources.

As Arianna Grande is a pop-singer and likely unavailable to assist you further, we are happy to help you get the love you want.

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Let's make this a regular thing!

~Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches for spiritual, successful, resilient women who have everything, except the man of their dreams. Download their free special report here: 7 Major Mistakes Single Women Make That Block Them From Finding True Love… and how to avoid them.