Boomer Sex Tips

Love, Self

Boomer sex can be the best you ever had, but in a new relationship that means being proactive.

The Problem

Online dating has become so contentious that some boomer women have given up dating entirely. The gender clash is frequently around sex. When is it okay for a boomer couple that is dating to become sexual? Why is an emotional component so important to boomer women before becoming sexual? And why are men okay without an emotional connection? Why do divorced boomer guys get so much bad press around their sexuality? Can these questions be effectively addressed?

A Useful Guide

The Boomer Guide to Finding True Love Online answers all of these questions and many other equally troublesome issues. I've been a Dating Expert columnist for a decade, writing for AARP, The Huffington Post, About.com, Maria Shriver, and more recently, Your Tango. Besides sharing my own experiences gleaned from a decade of dating, The Boomer Guide also shares the experiences of tens of thousands of boomer readers who have commented on the more than 150 articles I've written.

Unlike most boomer, dating books, The Boomer Guide to Finding True Love Online speaks to both men and women's sex and dating issues. I've spent the past twenty-five years working with men in small groups, and I counsel men via Skype, and what I've learned in the past quarter century helps me explain boomer dating to men, including how to be sexual with the sensitivity boomer women appreciate, and still feel solid about their manhood. And I address women in The Boomer Guide in terms of their attitudes about boomer men and sex, as well as their very specific needs. Online dating has been both a boom and a bust for boomer daters, and The Boomer Guide smooths out the dating and sexual wrinkles.


First date sex is addressed in The Boomer Guide in a manner that speaks to both gender's sexual needs and attitudes, and it offers real life solutions that both men and women can embrace. For instance, it's unrealistic to expect boomer men to effectively ignore their sexual needs. Instead, The Boomer Guide offers alternatives to first date sex that men can find acceptable and workable. While only a small number of boomer women are amenable to first date sex, that doesn't mean that many don't want to enjoy sex early on in a relationship as long as there's a budding emotional connection. We're not hormonal teenagers, but we're not asexual either. Most of us still have a strong sexual desire that we'd like to act on. 

The Emotional Jangle

The nature of boomer sexuality is different than when we were younger and totally hormonal, but that's not necessarily the bad news. Having some amount of control over our libidos makes it easier to avoid the disastrous sexual rocket rides that nearly every boomer man and woman has ridden and crashed too many times already. The emotional jangle of those crashed and burned rockets should be enough to discourage most boomers from remaining addicted to them, and being more in control of our libidos is the best way to avoid the inevitable emotional pain that follows.

The Sex Talk

I can't imagine a more difficult conversation for a new couple in a relationship to begin than one that addresses sex. Sexual expectations alone can be disconcerting, and that's but one of many concerns. Too many of us were in long-term relationships that didn't include satisfying sex, and none of us wants to repeat that experience, which should make having this talk easier, but in reality, may cause anxiety instead.

No Holding Back

The simplest way to avoid creating sexual problems in a new relationship is to be open, honest, and frank about what you want sexually. Take a deep breath, look your new, about to be lover in the eyes, and take a leap of faith that he or she will appreciate your willingness to express your desires. And rather than talking about what neither of you had sexually in past relationships, discuss what it is that you want to have sexually with each other.

Everything To Gain

There's nothing to lose engaging in this dialogue, because if there are going to be sexual issues it's best to find out early to circumvent them or in some situations, decide the relationship won't work because the sexual differences can't be worked out. I urge boomers not to fall victim once again to having their sexual needs ignored or be put on the relationship's back burner.