The Way People Date May Change, But Love Will Always Remain The Same

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Reasons For Attraction May Change, But Love Remains The Same

No matter how you look for love, the heart still wants what it wants.

A little more than 100 years ago people were still riding around via horse and cart. Women commonly donned long, dark dresses — and at formal occasions would reveal more of themselves with their tiny corseted waists and tight bodices. Stiffly starched collars and ever-present hats were the norm for men.

There was no such thing as dating back then. Men announced their intentions to a woman's family, then slowly set out to woo her over time with hopes to win her over for the long haul.

Today, as a result of the Internet, humans are bombarded with ways to connect.

You can meet anyone from anywhere in the world. From dating sites to mobile apps, and social media, it seems things have changed dramatically for the love and dating scene. But has it really?

In her most recent TEDx Talk, Anthropologist Helen Fisher, Chief Scientific Advisor to the Internet dating site Match.com for the past 11 years, asserts that “technology hasn’t changed love.” Here’s why.

Dr. Fisher studies the brain. She shares how way below the cortex and limbic systems in the most primitive part of the brain, lie three distinct brain systems linked to mating and reproduction:

  • Sex drive
  • Feelings of intense romantic love
  • Feelings of deep, cosmic attachment to a long-term partner

The primal drive to win life’s greatest prize — a mating partner — was there 4.4 million years ago, and will continue to be there way into the future. The scenery may change through the ages, but our primitive urge to seek love and connection does not.

That said, our ideals and beliefs about relationships have gone through changes as well. Once upon a time you would need to marry a strong, fertile partner to ensure survival and a good life. But now, according to statistics, the number one reason an individual chooses to marry someone is out of love.

Yet even with love as a primary motivator, someone who has the ability to provide security and comfort is still sought after. With all the plethora of ways people can meet potential partners — whether it be on a dating site, in a coffee shop or in the fields thousands of years ago — our ancient brain snaps into action. With smiles and laughter, we preen and parade and do what we know we need to do to attract a potential partner.

Not much has changed or will change, as our behavior in love is shaped by the way the brain works — not whether a person looking for love swipes left or right on Tinder!

As Helen states:

“Love and attachment will prevail; technology cannot change it. Any understanding of human relationships must take into account one of the most powerful determinants of human behavior; the unquenchable, adaptable and primordial human drive to love."

Watch the entire TEDx Talk by Dr. Helen Fisher now:

Kate Chorley is a psychotherapist, life coach & marriage counselor who sees her primary role as assisting her clients to raise their awareness of themselves and the world around them. From this state of being, they are more empowered with knowledge and understanding of the choices they can make that will best serve them. She uses a range of therapeutic counseling techniques such as Person Centered, Solution Focused, Gestalt and Narrative Therapy. To learn more, visit her at www.katechorley.com.au.