How To Know If He's USING You— Or Just Playing Hard To Get

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is he using you

The signs are right in front of you.

Sometimes it can be hard to know if a man is attracted to you but keeping his distance, or if he's just using you.

The first thing to consider is this —  real men don't play hard to get.

They see what they want and go after it.

However, that doesn't mean they won't play it cool. Because experience has taught them that being too available often makes women lose interest.

Now, if he's just using you that's a different story.

Men are not saints.

With that in mind let's look at how to tell if a guy likes you and you can tell if he's "playing hard to get" or just using you.

Signs a guy is playing hard to get:

By hard to get, I mean hard to understand.

He's so "cool" you need an interpreter to know if he just asked you out.

He says things like "what are you doing this weekend?"

Or asks, "Do you like hiking?", etc. 

See, he's fishing to ask you out without being straight forward.

This is not the end of the world, but it's not a good sign.

Signs that a guy is using you:

When a guy is using you, he makes no plans at all. He's spontaneous — in a bad way.

His invitations are always in the moment, and often involves coming over to his house or yours.

Using you has all the elements of selfishness, and they're written all over his words and actions.

The good news in both cases is that solution is in your hands.

The solution:


If he's playing it "cool" and asking you, "what you're doing on the weekend?"

Say, "I have a few things to do but I have some free time, do you have something in mind?"

Do you prefer a straight-forward man?

Of course, but it's not insurmountable.

Give him a window and see what he does with it.

If you suspect he's using you, try saying, "I appreciate your offer to come over to your house, however, I don't feel comfortable. What do you think about coming up with a different plan?"

In all cases, the key is to sort the men from the boys by asking for what works for you and letting men know what doesn't.

This inspires the right kind of men and gets rid of the wrong ones.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you're a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men's secrets in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.