How To Stop Picking PAINFULLY Unavailable Men

Photo: weheartit
How To Stop Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men
Love, Heartbreak

You've got an eye for Mr. Unavailable, do you?

The exquisite pain of unavailable men can be very attractive, especially if you've been taught unconsciously like I have to equate longing and pain with love.

Usually, the chemistry and attraction are so strong, they overwhelm you and you may feel like you have no choice. This is a very important moment in your life. The same moment that changed mine forever.

If you want to stop choosing emotionally unavailable men, stop placing all your value on chemistry and attraction with your eyes. Ask yourself the next question after you have chemistry with someone and use your ears.

Are you compatible? Meaning if he's married, that means you're incompatible regardless of chemistry. The same goes if he lives thousands of miles away and you can't deal with long distance relationships.

Remember, it's not personal, it's a fact. Whatever the issue is that makes him unavailable, run it through the filter of compatibility and then decide.


You may say, "That's great James but it's too late now. I'm stuck in a relationship with the wrong guy. What do I do now?"

Start dating other guys and give someone a chance to steal you away from him. Listen for a better deal. Complaining about unavailable men won't do it. Continuing to have sex with unavailable men won't do it. 

The appeal may still be too strong for you and if you're willing to pay the price, have at it. You might not be done dating the wrong person. I certainly wasn't for a long time. Let go or be dragged...

If you've had enough, let your actions show it. Make a positive decision followed by action or inaction as soon as possible.


To find out how much chemistry is enough, watch Chemistry To Commitment. Evaluate honestly if you're compatible and negotiate rather than being driven by intimidation or seduction.

It's simple, but not easy. Having spent a long time with unavailable people, I get where you're at. Great choices and great guys are waiting for you when you stop picking painfully unavailable men.

James Allen Hanrahan is a dating relationship coach in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula.

This article was originally published at jamesallenhanrahan.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.