10 Ways To Spice Up Your Relationship With The Art Of Surprise


Learn how to practice the art of surprise to deepen connection and enhance intimacy.

Paramours have been telling us this for centuries and now we have the research to prove it. Surprise is a powerful tool that deepens feelings of love and attraction.

Surprise creates a sense of unpredictability that makes others feel more curious about us. And this curiosity helps keep our connections and relationships feeling fresh and alive. It seems that surprise, good or bad, releases dopamine that triggers reward-seeking behaviors.

And these reward-seeking behaviors are often physicalfood, sex, drugs, anything that brings an immediate sense of gratification. This might help to explain why we became embarrassingly solicitous and accommodating towards a lover who suddenly broke it off. Admit it. We have all done it.

And here is the good newsyou can engineer surprise in any relationship. Awareness of the importance of surprise in deepening intimacy is the first step. Look for opportunities to create surprise on a daily basis.

Small surprises consistently and sporadically introduced during the humdrum of everyday life will heighten your partner's focus on you. 

Short on ideas about how to do this? Here are some things you can do to get you started.

1. Spontaneous Celebration

Surprise your partner with an unscheduled, spontaneous Valentine's Day. Flowers, cards, a special dinner, a nice bottle of wine, great sexwhatever you would do on February 14th, do on December 2nd, or June 11th, or October 27th. Don't announce it, just do it.

2. A Note Of Love

Cooking dinner tonight? Why not tape a love note under your partner's dinner plate? Or put a love note in his or her lunch, or in their underwear drawer. Or roll it up with their socks. There are lots of places to put a surprise love note that they can stumble upon at any time.

3. You've Got Mail

Send them a sexy ecard. It's free and it's fun. Remember to do this only once in a while – once in a long while. If your partner comes to expect your ecard every Monday at 10, there will be no power of surprise.

4. Fake Tattoos

Put a fake tattoo on your butt, or your arm, or somewhere your lover will notice. It will be even more of a surprise if it's their name.

5. Small Gestures Of Love

Do something nice for them that is unexpected, like fill up their car with gas. It's a little thing that shows them you see how busy they are. Why not help paint their kitchen in your sexiest underwear? That would be an added surprise.

6. Story Time!

Share stories about how you have been surprised, and what you are curious about. When your lover asks how your day went, tell him or her about the things that interest you.  And ask them to share what they might know about the things you are curious about.

Remember to listen to their ideas without adding your own thoughts. Listening to someone is a wonderful gift, and often a great surprise.

7. Break Out The Snacks

Stuck in the car on a long drive? Conversation fading? No problem. Now is the time to pull out the home-made sandwiches cut into the shape of stars. Surprise!

8. Get Creative With Your Food Placement

Spice up even the most traditional meals by arranging your food in an interesting way on your plate. You could make Saturday morning pancakes in the shape of animals. Spiders are easy. Giraffes are hard.

9. Knock, Knock

Surprise your lover with a good jokedon't be shy. Even if you are the worst joke-teller in the world, he or she will come to love your joke telling style and anticipate the moment when you will let your inner comedian out.

10. A Change Of Location

Is your sex routine or non-existent? If you are not into anything too risqué, no problem. Simply change the venue from the bed to the couch, or the living room floor. That's all it takes to wake up those dopamine receptors and reconnect with your lover.

Remember: Surprise happens wherever there is curiosity. So get playful, and change things up a bit. Ask questions. Laugh more. Try new things. Life is a big adventure, and your lover is just waiting to see the most unpredictable side of you.