Date-Ditchers And The 'I'll Call You' Line


They seem like a promising prospect until they flake on your date.

Flakers...don't you just hate them? What are they about exactly — playing hard to get or just not interested?

I can understand why men and women become confused by other men and women who flake, especially once they know about the tests both men and women apply. But I think it is simpler than it seems most of the time. On a date, it is often the man who takes a woman out, and she says at the end of it, "I'll call you." And then she never does. Or he just goes "poof" after a few dates never to be heard from again — no explanation, no "see you later," no nothing. So in order to understand a bit more about men and women who flake, it might pay to think about why men and women would say they are going to call and then do not or say they want to meet up again and do not finalize the arrangements.

In other words, both men and women like an easy way out from having to say outright to someone that they do not want to go out with them or see them again, so they opt for the brush off. Not particularly nice, but it happens. So as a decent man or woman, you may have to accept this and get used to it. At the essence of the flaker, is a man or woman who is not all that sold on you because even the most hard-to-get man or woman is going to show up for the man or woman he or she is really hot for. They might play a bit coy and not be available for the initial date you suggested, yet they are unlikely to actually flake.

And of course then there's the boundary thing; what man or woman with good boundaries would flake? Well, it could be argued that none would and in most cases that would be true. Yet men and women are human too, and it is easier to be positive but non-committal about a proposed get together and then not answer the follow up call or text — especially when he or she is not that invested in the man or woman who they have just met. They enjoy the attention, they like having options, and are not going to commit conclusively to a meet up until they considered all their options or, in their mind, something better comes up.

If a man or woman is consistently being non-committal and vague in response to your invitations or suggestions, then cut the tie.

Trust this much, when either a man or a woman is very hot for another man or woman, they will, despite themselves, make room for him or her and prioritize them. They might not be overt about that for a while and they might purposely or genuinely be to agree to the first suggestions you make, yet they will make room for you eventually. If they miss your call, they will get back to you. They may delay responding to texts and they may do other things that make you wonder, yet they will not outright flake. And if they do, it will not be a consistent or ongoing thing. Test them and pass their tests, but do not keep on keeping on if it continues. 9 times out of 10, flakers are just not worth it. 

You may ask me, "Why are most men and women not more straightforward?" Well, sometimes it is because they fear the reaction from us cool men and women because of the "crazy" men or women they have experienced in their past. Also, many men and women flake because they are afraid to be in an awkward situation. What would you do if you ran into someone you had not seen in a while, say an old time favorite boy or girl from school, and you suggested getting together for a drink. They may remember you fondly, be thankful for the times you shared when you were 13 and they might even be glad to run into you again, yet they still might be hesitate about following through on meeting up with you later. There is something at stake here; what if you do not have enough to talk about one-on-one for an hour? And they think, "Maybe it's better to keep my memories and savor the pleasant chance encounter and leave it at that," so they flake on you.

What drives both men and women crazy is the not knowing why they have flaked out on you; your intuition tells you something is amiss, and they deny it and then disappear, leaving you wrangling over what you did wrong and why they could not just tell you. There are lots of dynamics in that last sentence, I could write many more articles on this subject in all honesty. To be fair, for either gender, flaking is about emotional immaturity and disrespect for the other person. The confusing thing for you is that these men and women play hard to get and are taught to give us genuine men and women the "chase." So how are you to know if they doing that or just are not interested? It is a fine line, and I know that 90% of the time at least when a man or a woman is truly hot for you they will not flake outright, unless it is something he or she has to deal with that needs their urgent attention. The vast majority of decent men and women will phone you to tell you they cannot make it and will ask to reschedule meeting up with you.

For myself personally ,back in the early days when I was learning "the game," I had my fare share of flakers. Since those days, I have learned a lot about women and to get a woman who flakes on me now is a rare thing, and I do not let it affect me. My attitude now is that I'm ready to go and my mindset is "game on." I have no time for flakers and people who waste my time. The game is always on, no matter where you are and what you are doing. Every man or women you meet is an opportunity to get to know them; you never know, he or she may be the "One" you are looking for.

When a man or a woman flakes on you, do not let it upset you. Re-frame the experience. It is a measure of them, not you. They are the one who failed your test by not showing up, and it reveals their lack of confidence, respect, and integrety by not being honest with you. You do not have to do anything except move on — Next, please! Confident, masculine men and feminine women do not go chasing after flakers and waste their time worrying about why he or she did not turn up. They attract other men and women, and have a life of their own to get on with. As always, leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

For Love, Passion and Intimacy,

Ange Fonce

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